i can't wait to go to hell
yeah...all of my friends will be there for sure
you screamed 'he won't go on a date with me, but he gave me a free junior chicken'
well imagine, me dating the manager equals free junior chickens for everyone
At what point did I eat out of your mouth?
Saw an eatery called Rusty Taco. That sooo could be me.
I just got this text "hi this is Julie, I met you last night in the bathroom. You asked me to text you and remind you that you ate an entire lime, because you figured your sober self in the morning would be confused."
of course! give me a few hours to recover from chugging a 4loko out of a frisbee, and it will be rage time yet again
Also, that dude projectile vomiting all over the living room was the perfect distraction for me to swipe the booze and run.
I THINK I JUST JOINED A GANG. PLEASE PICK ME UP.
I gave him head in my cape. On the kitchen floor. Watching a show about bacon.
He thinks he's a sex addict. Just. My. Type.
The bag I'm bringing home for the weekend: a change of clothes, workout shoes, and sex toys, that's it.
Remember Christopher who always sends me pictures of his penis? Look to your right, boy in the blue.
The orgasm I got from him made me feel almost as good as I imagine the girls in the tampon commercials feel.
Well that didn’t go as expected.
I mean, it ended in you giving each of them a blowjob, so it kinda did.
i was sitting on the kitchen floor shaking my gallon of vodka at people and asking if they wanted to climb the heaven hill... getting dumped is the best thing that has ever happend to me
Randomize
