sex in a ball pit. and I thought ghandi did great things.
just graduated on the spot on the quad where I vommed freshman year. full circle
I woke up covered in sausage cart mustard and champagne
Im drunk on a hayride surrounded by toddlers. they are judging me.
its sad im about to start saving up for how drunk i need to be for the holidays
Malt liquor mondays...better in theory.
Ew. After that you just pretty much proved that your vagina is the reason why my vagina needs two toilet seat covers when peeing in public restrooms
The girl in the stall next to me is puking her brains out, I'd say she had just a good a weekend as us
I gave her some alkaseltzer ad she looked at me lke I was god
Oh. My. God. You texted my mom "IM BACK BITCHES!"
i woke up with a kayak in my amazon shopping cart with 1 wrong digit on my credit card and the transaction wasn't going through.
I woke up with Pop Rocks stuck to my ass
You literally chaperoned my booty call.
There's just something so liberating about drinking a beer with no pants on
There's no button for "gave my boyfriend's cock to a friend" on my intimacy calendar.
the guy next to you kind of looks like a penguin. i'm going to fuck him
Randomize
