Just got done shaving my balls. You were right.
Just found my car keys in your throw-up.
Totally just grabbed the wrong dick. Damn this tequila.
Uh oh. Middle aged belly dancers. And they just got out swords. Shit is about to get real.
Just come back with most of your limbs...and your dick. Please and thank you
that bitch in the red sedan is still teasing me with the ice cream cone. i'm going to show her my dick
How many weeks is it acceptable until I can start bringing freshman back?
I repeat the shot was ON FIRE. I am never going to a pirate bar again.
I was gonna tell her, but there were too many tongues in my mouth
He's practically not my boyfriend anymore. So let's go get some glitter, balloons, alcohol and forget this night ever happened.
I need to see you idiots before I go back to school. But we shouldn't snort Crown Royal this time.
I just had a drunk lesbian experience.... How do I break it to my boyfriend??
That was the first time I ever heard of a female getting road head while driving... thanks for the memory and making me happy ending..
In the officer's defense, I was indeed pantless at the time he cuffed me, but there's a perfectly good explanation.
Right now I'm laying face down on my carpet in my living room in the darkness sending work emails from my phone.
It's a glamorous life.
Randomize
