Im drinking a beer thats called vuuve which is boobs in begian. I think my life is complete.
last night i was so high that when a homeless person asked me for a dollar, i responded: dolla dolla bill ya'll.
some guy just got out of his chair quietly. Laid down on the floor and is now asleep in between rows in my lecture hall. He must have had a rough night.
Well I put her head right through the headboard. Thank god the room was under her name.
I'm drugging my best friend. I'm like a whole new level of bitch.
He was fucking her while he was wiping my tears.
I told her the only thing I had going for me was my huge cock. She said she was willing to overlook my other shortcomings.
I am trying to take a picture of a man in a wheelchair trying to ship a michael jackson portrait
I don't understand why you aren't on this trip all I do is smoke weed drink beer and get fingered
YOU MAKE ANAL SEX SOUND LIKE A SPORTING EVENT
I never thought that at some point in my life I would end up in the back of a cop car dressed as Pumba #HakunaMatata
In other news, I just sneezed and almost shit myself. What is happening to my life??
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
I think we have some hyper-understanding of each other when drunk, because looking back at our text convo from last night, they were literally just jumbled letters.
I feel like the physical embodiment of the pot leaf eyes smiley face
Randomize
