I faked an abortion last night.
Idk man, it felt like my skin was a suit and I could feel it zipping up my side and up to my mouth. And then my head felt like a ventriloquist dummy's head, with the jaw thing..it was freaky, dude
You think that's a metaphor for anything, champ?
Shut the hell up.
We had two amazing nights in a row...it was so weird...I couldn't even go to sleep cause I thought maybe it was just in his plot to kill me.
well look at the bright side
maybe you can be on an episode of "I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant"
masturbating is 5million times harder to finish knowing grandma is in the guestroom downstairs. just so you know.
omg. don't know how to spell his name, but hot new zealand guy's dick is magic
Just remembered to take my BC at the liquor store. Just swallowed it with a free sample of Whiskey.
Ohhh, TODAY your worried. Becasue last weekend when we warned you about her you said "shes too hot to have herpes."
I feel like college is just one giant drunken trip to Taco Bell
I went on my dinner date pretending that my lunch date didn't jizz in my hair.
He pushed a skinny white blonde out of the way just to tell me "you have the finest ass, like ever."
I have never loved a nerdy white boy this much.
new dating motto: let your guard down, not your panties
All my friends are going on vacations with their boyfriends while I’m over here in court trying to get a restraining order against my ex....
On the plus side, he ate me out and gave me an orgasm. But he also talked about robots during sex and mispronounced it like the dad in the goldbergs and called them “robits”
the sex is SO much better when he thinks im going insane
Randomize
