non applicator tampons are so hard to put in when your drunk. i fingered myself for 10 minutes and forgot what i was trying to do.
You pulled the fire alarm because you had to shit and there was someone in the bathroom. you said you needed privacy
We pulled over so he could pee and the next thing I know he's running down the hill by himself with his pants down
She is putting glow sticks from her bedroom to the bathroom. She is calling it 'Being prepared'. God help us all tonight...
There's a big hole in the wall at the dining hall. I hope we didn't do
I have so much shit FLYING through my head. They're all in magic carpets and everything
We need to talk about the sailor moon porn. Do what you want in your room, but I don't want to come home to you cranking it on the couch to that.
you haven't really lived until you are in a situation where your vagina is hanging out
He is 30 (that's 8 years older than I am) and uses more Emojis than I do. Problem?
Dude is PACKING. And yes I am holding up a cross and holy water and hissing like a pissed off goose.
You WHAT?!?!
Paid. A. Homeless. Guy. To. Throw. A. Drink. In. Her. Face.
I fucking love you.
Let me get this straight. You stopped mid foreplay to shave your legs?
Um yeah. I wasn't about to shave them if nothing was happening. And I have HBO. It's not like he's the victim here.
He's a fucking ninja- think of the things he can probably do with his dick.
woke up with a tree in my apartment. also the everclear bottle is suspiciously low
suspiciously? i think one of those explains the other
Can you dump a guy for having pierced nipples or is that shallow?
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