from now on, im only gona ahve sex with my boyfriend.
Just saw some guy puking out of the dorm window, its for sure monday
Also, new rule: You are no longer allowed to send me a text with the word "dildo" in it before 10am.
That penis you're staring at is the penis of heartbreak. Stay away. It will break your heart AND keep you away from other penises. BACK. OFF. THE PENIS.
Definitely contact high. Thirty miles an hour listening too i can see clearly now wanting too eat the steering wheel
Woah there. I lasted a semester and a fourth of college not having sex. trust me when i say keeping my virginity was an obstacle course of olympic proportions.
The virgin olympics. I would win the gold. For America.
A homeless man just asked me if I had seen any "nekkid chicks with heineken bottles run by"
Berkeley was the right choice
i ended up playing naked naked monopoly and hangman with my dealer. i really love my life.
Possibly threw up in my purse last night. Still suspicious of of all actions
I'm glad he doesn't have a bigger dick because he'd just use it for evil anyway
I'm basically cruising around listening to 90's gangsta rap with my meatball sub telling people to go fuck themselves
Last night I actually told him I came with a washer and dryer
You did an excessive amount of blow and then screamed "WHO THE FUCK NEEDS A LADDER?!" And then Mario style wall-jumped onto the roof. It was one of the most impressive things I've ever seen.
I just saw puke on the road at the same stoplight i threw up at sunday morning! Makes me smile inside.
Apparently when you start crushing adderall and blending them into your margaritas calling them blenderalls you have "a problem" WTF
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