dude did u upper deck my toilet?
haha like two months ago
i cleaned the bathroom like ten times before i realized what the smell was.....i hate u
YOU GOT KICKED OUT OF FIVE GUYS LAST NIGHT FOR THROWING PEANUTS AT THE PEOPLE WHO WORK THERE?!
correction: escorted out
I fucked a 6'7 Danish man. In the ocean. At 5am. Greetings from Florida!
Some girl at the bar was showing us her chipped tooth as a pick up line.
i just found this napkin with your number on it in my jacket pocket. it reads amy, drawing of a wine bottle and a house
Out of all the people in the house to show their tits at mcdonalds to try and get free food, they picked those two?
her vagina just converted me to Judaism.
True idk how my parents didn't know I was blackout. I ate like 4 pieces of cheesecake and showed my cousins my boobs
Well I have rug burns in both armpits, somehow. So yes you should have been here
I guess that means I was blowing a nerd last week.
And loving it.
I woke up with the gnarliest cold/hangover combo
Thats what u get when u have butt ass naked rooftop sex at night in december
Worth it.
I swear to fucking god if he takes away netflix I will have no problem sending his gf our sex videos
I'm 2 weeks in to my all dick and carb diet and so far I've lost 2lbs.
I woke up in my basement holding someone else's underwear and a bottle of mouthwash . I wish I could explain more than that but i can't remember ...
Hammered...8am...why is there chickens in the living room?
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