Thanks again for letting me crash last nite. Sorry I banged your little brother.
Last night I apparently send my boss a picutre of my boobs. On the bonus part I got a raise today. So I just want to thank your parents for naming you Jeff cuz if I was not so hammered last night I would have sent it to the right one.
I just egged your windshield and it froze on contact. Have fun with that.
Im still in bed and cant move and i only had Two beers and a shot last night... how did I make it in college?
God gave us a 4 year grace period.
I just told you I can't. My fingers are melting. I have discovered the high.
I just called my mom 'Napoleon bronaparte'. I need to stop hanging out with you.
He probably smells like baby powder and sexual identity crisis.
We should start a Help That Bitch Out Fund and split the donations evenly between you two.
When i left he was drinking an entire pot of coffee out of the pot with a straw. It's safe to say he's using a personal day
Just trying to get my dicks in a row.
alicia just called me and talked to me in "the eternal language of the dinosaurs" and then kind of roared and gurgled. what kind of 4th of july are you guys having?
the boozy kind. is there any other?
I just busted my piggy bank to afford McDonald's. This is my personal cry for help.
Is "head down ass up" an appropriate way to say good morning?
I WOLD FCUK YUO INTOO THE MOON
THE MOOOOOOOON
He asked if I was alright. I said "Yeah, I'm just an incapacitated ball of orgasmic bliss right now."
Randomize
