it's like sucking your thumb. only its not yours. and its a penis.
chastity bono is officially a man...and has a really hot girlfriend...life doesn't make sense
in the 'for' section of the check i put "when we got drunk and broke things". again im sorry.
Surefire way to sober up: discover that your car is being towed at 2 am.
I think I might.. possibly.. like a Justin Bieber song.
I think you might... possibly... have sprouted a vagina.
he needs to hurry and make his mind up... i mean i can't keep getting peed on by a guy who isn't even my boyfriend
An outback commercial just played and I remembered that guy from Australia Imade out with at the Derby. Great Bachelorette Party, btw.
I can't! Its just like the night that I bathed you, I didn't tell anyone.
Now in just stoned listening to my dads philosophical idea about public transit
he spent an hour trying to rescue a bug from the sink. turned out to be a sesame seed.
Woke up with champagne in my hair and honey mustard on my hands. Strangely, I'm okau with this
They are like untrained puppies reaking havoc on a newly furnished house. Out of control.
You just compared our vaginas to a newly furnished house...I can dig it.
you're now officially the 3000 mile booty call. congrats.
idk what to be more embarrassed/confused about, that i lost my underwear or that i woke up covered in fried rice
I sent my brother over to my ex's to get the rest of my stuff. He comes back SEVEN HOURS LATER, high as fuck without my shit! No loyalty.
Randomize
