I'm not unpopping my collar. This shirt is too expensive to crease.
I just realized I haven't had steady access to a woman's body since I was breastfeeding.
Just been one of those weeks where alcohol out weighs friendship
She straight up told me, "I don't care if he films as long as he's quiet." You sure you can't find the camera?
Okay. thanks for sacraficing your body and risking aids for our snowcone business.
We need more drag queens in our life I've decided
I think they make you graduate because you get too old to go hard and become a risk. homecoming weekend wins again. fuck.
Look on the bright side, one day you will get to tell your grandkids how grandpappy got roofied on his 21st and woke up in a for sale house missing his shoes
That works. I won't care. I'll be a mermaid. Mermaids don't give a fuck.
Especially drunk mermaids.
Sorry man, but I'd rather do drugs with strangers than watch sports with you. It's not personal, drugs always beat sports.
Are you going to eat tacos off the floor again?
Tinder date just called. I was supposed to be there 30 minutes ago but I'm on a 27 game win streak in Park...?
Fuck that man! Tell her your dog died or something. Reschedule that shit, you can't stop 2K at a time like that. Ball is life bro... Priorities.
So if you wanna come get your pants you can. But you have to come in your boxers. Rules are rules!
It's a combination of amazing uncoordination, bad luck, and sheer determination to cause destruction wherever I go.
so let me get this straight you just stared at his boner all night?
Randomize
