careful of the bathroom.... theres some drunken ninja turtles in there....
I think winning the long island race means you lose at life
Also since my birthday I've on average fucked a new guy every 12.5 days. I'm doing an excel spreadsheet
I think this hangover is going to kill me. If it succeeds I would like you to read a dramatic rendition of 'Trapped in the closet' complete with interpretative dance at my funeral.
When I said to shut up, I meant it. I'm sorry you have a bald spot now, but it was necessary.
Sooo Zach and Judd are on my porch drunk eating leaves and flowers...
the only thing you said was do the helicopter dick
Why are there jello shots in the kitchen drawer?
So did I or did I not flash an entire concert last night?
I mean, except for the part where I was vomiting up pineapple and hot sauce, it was a really fun time.
He could only go twice. I need a guy with more stamina and is less married
Oh wow and I have a bunch of portable wine glasses called to go coffee cups
My legacy here is being that tiny blonde girl that threw someone down and shouted "Fuck your face, I'm Dee Dee Ramone."
you should probably call the Bronx Zoo in the morning to formally apologize
its the right thing to do
Did you see her happy birthday to emily on facebook? The gist of it is like: hey emily you almost died at birth im glad you didn't. love mom.
Randomize
