I will give you a bj if you get me food. NOT A JOKE. FREE BJ.
You'd think after all these years of evolution that it would be longer than a golf pencil.
im using old socks as coasters. im going to make a great housewife.
You guys seriously fuck to bieber? That's embarrassing...
I dont think yelling "Grab your dicks, time for pics!" helped your case either.
when life gives you lemons, puke and rally.
Idk man I'm just a giant talking marshmallow ready to be toasted and dipped in chocolate
Ok I have to ask, whose idea was it to used crushed up norcos as margarita salt? And what did they say to convince everybody else to think it was a good idea?
She cracked her neck before the blowjob and I knew shit just got real.
I left my coke in the bird nest in the bathroom stall last night but I found it nest and all in my purse I love morning suprises
By the end of the first quarter he was so hammered he was pouring beer into the crockpot with the miniature hot dogs and BBQ sauce saying he loved the supper bowl and he loves taking mini weinies to the face
At first I was a little embarrassed for sharting, but then i realized it was a bachelor party, and I went balls to the wall
Yeah. I made eggs in a microwave. I think that's an accomplishment this week, MOM.
I took a dab in Denver and was I. Rocky Mountain national park almost to Wyoming before I realized I missed my turn.
I'm going to ride your dick until it falls off. That horny.
I'm equal parts terrified and turned on. Come over.
Randomize
