I just high-fived this girl after she swallowed.
ok so the lil girl sitting behind u was picking the hairs off ur sisters back and putting them in her mouth
This is why I shouldn't be left alone with liquor and anticipation.
how was your night?
well, i just purchased 'sorry for being a drunk whore' cupcakes. how do you think my night was?
I'm bringing in a picture of a stranger on facebook to get my haircut. I have reached a new level of creepy.
So the girl I hooked up with last night pretended to be from Comcast when my girlfriend stopped by this morning. She even made a fake appointment to check her internet. Best hookup ever.
You told me when we were leaving the club if I could pin point your nipple through your padded bra you would show me if I was right.
If you fuck her, Im going to call you and I want you to cough 2 times.
im standing in line right now while the 711 manager calls other locations to see if they have the john cena collectors slurpee cup in stock...yep i need to get laid
Did i mention i'm like the equivilent of a prepubescent boy suffering from preejaculacy? I just about creamed my pants when he grabbed my hand..
I JUST WANT TO HAVE MILDLY SOCIALLY ACCEPTABLE SEX WITH HIM AND CALL HIM CUPCAKE.
did the fire alarm go off at the party last night I kind of remember a fire alarm noise
omg omg i ripped it out of the ceiling omg
I think the Predator is hunting me in my house. If I don't text you later, send Danny Glover. I love you all.
Do you know how hard it is to be while you're high with a chuck Norris poster in the bathroom?
Reminder to self: never have sex on a trampoline. Trampoline burn hurts worse than carpet burn.
Randomize
