i miss you so much
i miss you too
oops, did i send that to you? i meant to send it to the money you owe me
i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
This is the worst date ever. Pls kill me. No, wait, scratch that, stick to the original plan of killing Paris Hilton, I'll live though this
they told me her nickname is "wizard sleeve"
pick me up NOW
I could tell by the Randy 'Machoman' Savage "hey brother" that you were beyond inebriated
Wella between the drunkards, the inevitable slutty costumes, and someone doing a BODY SHOT OFF A PREGNANT GIRL, i lost my halloween spirit. Bah humbug.
I'm really not interested in hearing from him. Unless there is casual sex involved
nah, they dropped the charges. apparently ripping his junk when he tried to hop the fence seemed like punishment enough...
Check the bible. I hear he keeps his weed in leviticus.
he was inside of, then got up said "we don't want you having a baby," grabbed his car keys and left. so now i'm just sitting on his bed, wondering if he's coming back.
Haha. I got you. I always pay you back somehow. Do you accept all major forms of payment: cash, taco bell, and patriotic underwear?
Yeah I'm at work. Nothing like the threat of blowing chunks on passing cars to make you feel alive.
I literally walked into the toilet, looked at my reflection, said "alcohol" and went back to bed...
My left boob kept making random appearances last night.
Just stalked the girl I hooked up with last night's boyfriend. He seems nice, I approve.
Randomize
