Luol and I just scored with two 40 year old married chicks. They dropped us off on the way to soccer prctic. The kids in the back were confused. Call me.
she called me screaming that i shouldn't ignore her phone calls, because she's not trying to get me to hang out with her and she doesn't want to be my girlfriend, she just wants sex.
what did you do?
i asked her out. that's so hot.
Just got a orange juice for my grandma, put gin in it without thinking. She's having a good morning.
Can you tell me we didn't drink from a fish bowl we found in the bathroom last night? I know it would be a lie; I just need to hear it.
You two kept repeating the same thing over and over. It was like looking after retarded pull-string dolls.
Well, I'm eating cake, watching wedding videos of people I don't know, and crying. Clearly I'm a vision of mental health today
Dude just walked down the street literally wearing nothing but a small box around his waist carrying a case of beer. I want to live here for the rest of my life.
Ice cream after masturbating>masturbating any other time
When i sexted him a pic of my boobs I was worried he was going to notice the dorito crumbs and know I was just eating topless
There will always be a place in my black heart for him because he gave me my first sex-induced orgasm. While you slept on the bunk above.
Take off your clothes and see if he wants to have sex, that's a good way to find out
I spend so much of my life shaving my body hair off and I want nothing more than his beard in all my hairless places.
You kept licking my face. You said you were making sure I was real.
Is it weird that I'm smoking a cig on my back patio in a sports bra and underwear?
Went to the party dressed like a Cougar and brought a twenty something dressed as Micheal Phelps home. So far I’m loving being divorced. :-)
Randomize