Third unemployed latin in my bed this week. I'm on a roll
It's always exciting to touch a new boob.
just got passed by a van of kids watching the little mermaid. debating speeding so i can watch
Didn't u have court just yesterday for ur driving?
IT'S THE LITTLE MERMAID! totally worth another year of probation
He told me all about his plan for proposing to his girlfriend as pillow talk.
Its okay, i dont mind you drinking, im just surrounded by it, there is some random dude laying on your couch with a bucket that ive never seen before
I have their Unicorn picture in my shirt, and I just threw a Bud Light Platinum bottle through their window. We need to go now.
The token old dude at the show tried hitting on us by telling us his favorite rapper was Cayenne West.
I'm gunna send you baby bottles of vodka for those nights when you just give up
I'm sorry I came to your house drunk and fed pizza to your dog.
Last night I dreamt that I sold my car and used the money to have wheels surgically implanted in my feet and legs so I became a human heely and I just rolled everywhere
Doing laundry. My jeans from last night smell like chicken wings and motor oil.
My date bailed but I got to take a nap so I'm cool with it.
I was informed this morning that I took all my clothes off and ran around the whole apartment complex. Being as they just moved in, welcome to the neighborhood.
i just want to get drunk and cry and have sex with lots of men
She's chasing the cat around the house hitting it with a cardboard sword yelling "there can be only one!"
Randomize
