i felt like cinderella. except at midnight i turned back into a whore.
Bad news is im a slut again. Good news is its with people ive been a slut with before.
Well he paid for dinner, so I paid for the Plan B, but the parking ticket I got is totally his responsibility.
Literally just spent 45 minutes converting my paintball gun to shoot condoms....
The freshman sure do fuck up the whataburger line at 2am
The pride tent is doing free lube tastings. There is also a mechanical bull.
I didn't want to have to tell you this, violating our brother/sister code not to discuss these things but: for the love of christ stop inviting that 21 year old idiot I slept with for six months to EVERY PARTY WE THROW.
I would rather burn my vagina off with a damn flame thrower before I would touch anything that has touched her skank ass.
I have a rage boner right now. An actual erection brought on by the amount of sheer hatred I have towards nationwide.
I guess I'm open to more types of dick now
so in case you needed a ticket for the Hot Mess Express, I'm the conductor now.
Cant leave im designed bacon maker you come here
Masturbating with Lord of the Rings on was not how I planned my afternoon going but here I am.
What happened last night?
Lets just say you asked me a couple times if you had eyeballs..
I think my dick has healed enough that we can start having sex again
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