feel weird hangin out with you now that i've eaten your sister out
the black eye was caused by a 12 year old girl in a vampire costume who punched you in the face after you aggresively screamed "TEAM JACOB!" in her face & howled at the moon...
I'd really appreciate it if we could dress up as pilgrims and indians for the thanksgiving eve bar crawl
Right, well, that begs the question of where did you get the whip, why are you using it, and why don't you carry one around more often?
Clearly it doesn't get better with age. Just more sexual
Handcuffs are allowed in carry on luggage :) just checked
Wearing a shark mask, slugging tequilla, in cowboy boots, and not minding that my spandex is on backwards. What are you up to?
Just sucked some sandy dick on a boardwalk & now I'm at a family reunion hbu
FYI the blow job was for papa johns pizza
I regret 8000% nothing
It would be weird sobbing cry sex.
we played his NES Classic. Turns out there is a warp zone to my vagina.
That awkward moment when you realize you've been secretly blackout dating someone for three months. Drunk me is in a committed relationship.
Awesome. I did a rain go away dance. And it went away. Nbd just cotrollin the weather with my mind and sweet dance moves
Who the abstract fuck do you think you are!?
ALL I WANT IS SEMEN IN/ON/AROUND MY BODY. WHY IS HE MAKING THIS SO HARD.
Randomize
