Instead of peeing my cute lil blue panties I peed in the train parking lot in front of an asian.
There is a half eaten corn dog and soy sauce on the counter... WTF did you eat last night??
shes got that 'its my party i can do meth if i want to' mentality. i like that.
And when he pulled me off the bathroom floor, he just looked at the cat litter stuck to my chin and said "oh sweetie" and shook his head. I think my dad's officially given up hope.
his phone is always ringing though. It makes me feel like I'm dating a doctor who's always on call.
yeah, dating a doctor sounds much better than fucking your drug dealer.
Im playing the how drunk can i get before my card declines game. being single sucks. But getting drunk after work alone in fridays on a wenesday night sucks way more.
Well the streets were closed, so it was okay for me to just lay down for a little bit.
we somehow managed to fit a llama, a stripper pole and a hayride all into the same day.
did you know gatorade and rum go really good together
Are you doing depressed science again
maybe
Have you seen that new toaster that burns your pics to toast? Let's drink some booze and discuss what I have I mind.
You screamed "i promise ill stop blowing your brother" in the middle of a packed restaurant at 1pm. We should maybe rethink our relationship.
only I would find a long lost relative through a craigslist casual encounters ad
Currently watching high school football on ESPN. Drink every time they say 'this kid's got potential' or 'look at this kid go' or 'atta kid' We're done for..
Tequila should only be paired with the finest of dick
"Why is there a bottle of Tequila taped to the fan?"
Randomize
