Had a 3 sum last night, and today food just taste better and the air seems so much fresher!
so they made cookies with their faces printed on them...I ate jaime...she tasted like poop
I walked downstairs and he was standing in nothing but his boxers with his dick hanging out warming up eggs in the microwave.
Everything gets a little fuzzy after the flats of jello shots, but I do have a vague recollection of being at the top of a large human pyramid
you looked at me, pointed to a car and silently said "the elephant parks here".
Ok seriously I'm living off of bologna but I have 4 handles in the freezer.
She called my landing strip a "vagina mohawk"....
Lesbians are weird.
I was peeing in the bathroom at this house party when a guy just casually stumbles out of the shower
I couldn't finish the episode and had to lay down because the snapple commercial with the mustache was blowing my mind
currently googling "apology gifts for when you poop on their floor"
There is a video on my phone of me suckling a bag of wine from your crotch area while you say "The Body of Christ" in a Michigan accent. I vaguely remember being offended by this yet I did it anyway.
Right now you and beer are my only friends.
Is there anything more American than getting day drunk and watching Hulk Hogan promos?
I threw up all of my purple drank and thats really important
Are you drunk? You left me a voicemail at 5:59 AM of you making dolphin sounds.
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