I'm walking behind a man wearing a womans shirt, heels, mens pants and a baseball hat
So I got my period. Finally. In related news, I reinstated my belief in God.
please tell me if i'm home and in my bed
negative
come find me please
hey what are you doing
hooking up with some marlborough girl. shes gorgeous!
i texted you because i like you, and i told my freinds you were my fiance. but sine we're not dating you're not cheating and i'm pathetic
Glad I put on jeans. You could measure my ass sweat with a rain guage.
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
I fake pass out to avoid hookups sometimes. Last night I fake slept on my bathroom floor for like 2 hours before the guy left.
I don't remember anything past "we have 15 minutes to drink this keg."
Since you're going to wake up and see one bajillion missed calls from me, I just want you to know that's a perfectly reasonable number. Now come downystairs.
My walk of shame was 2 miles of feathers flying off of me, underwear in hand, and a homeless man telling me he'd pray for me. It was gold medal worthy.
You know you were way drunk when you wake up at 7 AM halfway on a couch, tangled in a sheet with your shoes still on.
Just so you know.. If you ever cheat on me, i will cut your dick and fingers off and post them as my cover photo on Facebook. Love you.
We’re leaving where are you
Hold on Toxic just started playing
He hit me with his bagpipe
Isnt that against the lesbian handbook?
Trust me, I’ve got a sixth sense about dicks that tells me if a guy knows how to fuck and it’s tingling. You need to prove me right!
I’m not going to bang him just to confirm your Dickth Sense
The Dickth Sense!!! I love it! It’ll be our first porno!
Randomize
