i was watching iron chef and got motivated, so i made dinosaur chicken nuggets
this weekend will be like the season finale to my life
you asked a group of latinas stood by the bar to hold a minutes silence for ugly betty getting cancelled. that drunk.
I pulled out and her Nuva ring was around my dick... It was like I won a carnival game for adults... I asked her where my big stuffed bear was
They have a guy from new zealand living under their stairs.. they don't charge him rent. He just buys food and booze and bartends their house parties.
I either just got free sex or a nice jail sentence. Text me in 10 to verify.
Hey hey, in my defense we were just suppose to watch Disney movies from a blanket fort with beer and nachos. I was I suppose to know it would end in tears?
You were sitting in the tub, clothed, squirting my KY all over yourself. You said "it's warm." then passed out.
Nope not happening. When I close my eyes the floor moves. I'm going to enjoy this free roller coaster.
I rang in the new year by giving a lap dance to a Lutheran minister in a roomful of people including his wife. Jesus would be proud.
I'm basically flying you out for a long weekend of sex and going to the zoo
I'm cool with that
How drunk do you guys plan on getting?
We wrote our addresses on our arms for the cab driver, what do you think?
I have a rash on my arm from the cat litter. Think the cat will be mad that I peed in its box?
She touched my penis and started laughing. She did the same thing when she blew me.
Slammed 3 beers and just bowled a 129\nI guess alcohol IS the answer
Randomize
