It was awkward until we both realized our obsessions with harry potter and sangrias were the same. Now were in love.
You need tk get a life and stop texting me about fictional characters. I don't give a shit.
are you drunk enough to hook up with me yet?
i'm starting to get really nervous about the relationship i have with my cat
You dont understand. she was my french AND spanish teacher. that's 2 kinds of freaky. i have to find her on facebook.
Hands down, the girl passed out in the bathroom was the best looking. Concious or not.
How's work?
Spinning.
When they say "all expenses paid" does that include bail?
I made this pact with my vagina, though. No more heartless fuckery.
It was like coming out my mothers vagina again in slow motion
First day back to class and I have already pulled out the hard liquor
I'm really going to need you to stop yelling Campari.
I dropped a piece of Mac and cheese in the shower and I almost still ate it. Stoned, but not stoned enough to degrade myself.
Throwing up while listening to NPR because I’m trying to adult through this hangover
My ex is stopping by while he’s working tonight after delivering a pizza to fuck me, then going back to work at Pizza Hut. This is what my life has become.
Even after hearing me fuck his friend twice in one night, he still follows me around like a puppy.
Randomize
