my sex list reads like a who's who of mcdonald's general managers
I can't wait until weight watchers comes out with a beer
so its official, girls can see a boner through my snuggie.
high. he's playing 'oops i did it again' on the ukelele. is this real life?
May have caused an international incident. More details after we taxi in.
I would not wish his dick upon my worst enemy
Call me next time you want to get irresponsibly drunk when we have grown up things to do the next day.
On an unrelated side note: I shall now attempt to crawl to the bathroom. Where I will lay motionless on the cold ceramic bathtub with hot water pouring over my shivering body as I desperately try not to vomit. Good day.
He was dressed as ron burgundy and his pickup line was "dont worry, i wont make you jump in a bear pit."
He was trying to be aggressive in bed, but in reality, it was like watching a declawed cat try to climb a curtain. They WANT it, they just can't DO it.
you told that cab driver that when the 3 of us come togehter it means happiness and love
AND I HAVE A NICE COCK! A STRIPPER TOLD ME SO IT MUST BE TRUE!
He said he doesn't "believe" in cuddling. Can you come get me?
I need to start journaling my drunk thoughts. Drunk me is fucking brilliant & sober me is missing out.
never let me tell the bartender to cut me off, i basically told on myself
Randomize
