I just shaved my legs while pooping. classy or trashy?
talent.
redhead is getting on the bull...again red head is getting on the bull!
i lost my phone in the process of getting a condom out of my hair
It was like a lincoln log. Seriously. I don't know who's more pissed, me or my vagina...worst.hookup.ever.
When I came home you were using a glowstick to eat peanut butter from the jar.
His beard is glorious and he smells like barbecue. Introduce me to him.
THAT DOESN'T MEAN YOU SHOULD LET ME CHUG VODKA.
Maybe we could get a groupon for vasectomy. I'm game.
Some guy offered you 100 bucks last night to suck your toes. I had to drag you away while you were yelling at me, "Stop money cock blocking me!"
That's just where I'm at in my life.
She really is something else.
Words cannot describe what though. The best way to describe her is to say it like watching a bear and a whale have sex. You don't know why it's happening or how. But it's rather funny and you can't look away.
We just stood there eating chocolate chip pancakes, watching you sleep on the bathroom floor.
Dude my doctor just legit got down on her knees and loudly begged me to do my pap smear
If I ever write a memoir I'm thinking "Choosing to sit in a vat of shit" would fit
So she said she could really go for a cheeseburger and I remembered I had one in my pocket. No idea where it came from.
Here's a rundown of my night alone. Danced my ass off in the kitchen to FleetmacWood. Drank a little bit. Ordered $40 worth of Chinese food once the drinks kicked in. Picked up said Chinese in dirty sweatpants and slippers. #livinglife
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