Everything we own is covered in grass and KY
i hope chris hansen doesn't have a boat
talking dirty on facebook chat is the new phone sex.
In other news I saw a pack of make believe zombies walking down green st.
gotta love wednesdays
I just saw a sign that said "STRIPPERS!!! As seen on Jerry Springer!". As if Springer is the highest honor. I'm pretty sure we're in south Georgia.
The baby slept soo good last night. Its like he knows the importance of me being intoxicated all weekend.
Thanks for alerting everyone in our apartment what your one night stand's name is. Could you scream a little louder?
He set an alarm on my phone to an infant screaming and puking to make sure i take my pill. its working.
Why is hotel staff askin about the blood in our room
Listen I'm a sentimental character under all this alcohol and ratchetry
I'll call it a tollerance break and either will be celebrating my new job with a bowl or will be smoking my sadness away from not getting the job. Either way.
For the record you're an amazing lay and you have great taste in breakfast sandwiches
Puked in my purse on my Uber ride home last night. Safe to say it's not a good idea to beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
I LinkedIn messaged people about jobs when I was blacked out
I'm sorry I missed your birthday brunch. If it makes you feel any better I woke up wearing someone else's toga and a sombrero
Randomize
