I had a dream you and I were having sex. It was pretty romantic.... until you started pulling out toys.
What can I expect? While all of my friends are getting married, all of his friends are tripping on robitussin
He wants to be 'in an open relationship'. Fuck that. That's the online equivalent of letting him pee in a circle around me.
you kept searching pizza on facebook and becoming a fan of each page dedicated to it
jersey shore drinking game rules must be edited. almost died. how is it possible for a person to say guido that many times
I returned the dress. When they asked for the reason for return I said, 'I don't deserve to wear white'.
Pretty sure that drunken football on the back porch with 6 guys with a champagne bottle was a bad idea....
Chasing a shot of svedka with a clementine is NOT the same as tequila w lime...
Your boobs are like a big quesadilla marker
Dude. I legit missed class because I got too engrossed in the porn I was watching. Also I need to figure out how to get as flexible as these chicks. Some of the positions they do are outrageous.
Hold your horses dude. Titty pics are a work of art.
My "lord keep me from stabbing a bitch" prayer has gotten a lot of miles today
There's literally not a single picture of him with a shirt on. I can't talk to him without dislocating my eye balls.
When we were fucking he called me by his moms name then after we were done told me to call him. He's not receiving a call... What if his mom picks up?
Can you get the dildos out of the shower before the maids come?
Randomize
