sitting in my room eating a boneless rib tv dinner, and listening to taylor swift's love story, and i sharted. had to finish the ribs and hear the end of the song before i went to the bathroom to wipe.
Home remedy for the herp. Black tea. I need to strap teabags to my wang.
Dude, she told me she wanted to bang my dad. I don't know which is worse, the fact that she wants to or the fact that she told me.
You don't forget tits like those, even if you are vegas drunk.
He kept waking up periodically throughtout the night to bit my ear and pass back out.
Hey. Can you be so hung over that you get a rash?
He waited until after foreplay to tell me that he didn't have a condom and "we" would just have to settle for a bj tonight...
Just did coke off of a cross necklace and am headed to the strip club. Happy Easter!
Bro she gave me the stare. It's like she boned me with her eyes. I'm going in.
The sad thing is; I'm getting used to walking around feeling like I could hurl at any minute.
And if it ever comes down to tax or healthcare benefits we can get married
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
Did you know that taking off a bra with teeth burns ninty calories?
I think getting right with the Lord should involve more than me and a bottle of tequila.
somehow getting chased by a bulldozer was NOT on my to-do list for today. just saying
I'm pretty sure I just won at life. I touched the bushy tail of a squirrel while he had his mouth full and was digging in a plant on campus. That is all.
Randomize
