We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
But he was like 75 and lives right near mom and dad. Not a threat at all.
Remember back in the day when getting fingered in the movie theater was the best thing ever?
I was happy to be the center of attention..until i realized why everyone was staring
You'd think me telling him that I'm a lesbian would make him realize that I don't want to hook up with him.
GOOD NIGHT DREAM OF ALCOHOL SNO CONES
it was like lady and the tramp only with a jello shot on the pool table
So we get back to the hotel room and Tom strips off his clothes... His first sexual act as my fiance? Helicopter dick. I gave him a high five.
gymnastic barn sex. fuck i wish i hadn't blacked out
Also, since I switched back to this phone I've found a crop of dick pics and your funeral arrangements.
So we became Pizza Strippers- we stripped and asked for slices of pizza in return.
I know, it's just the worst. Also, security almost took the burrito I brought for lunch. I thought I was going to have to pull a Liz Lemon and eat the whole thing before I could go through.
So how do you explain to your boss that Siri called him mid sex?
Your ability to eat ass like its your job and yet turn down quinoa because it's "gross" is confusing.
I just got a text from a guy. The python is ours if we want.
He is getting no nudes from me. I don't even care if I'm losing his legal advice.
Randomize
