he said i was chugging vodka in the parking lot, gave my # to a married man, started a food fight, and passed out at the bar. how could he NOT consider that a good first date???
dude you made out with his girlfriend and stole his credit card to buy more drinks
well when you put it that way, I sound like a terrible person
did you know that snuggie is the perfect anti-freak out aid for stoners? it weighs you down so you can't go anywhere. just sit there and enjoy the movie, that's right.
I started making my dollar bills into rings for the strippers
It was horrifying, i havent seen a girls mouth open that wide since that one episode of Goosebumps..
College is the ONLY place where you can pass off morning sickness as being hungover. I'm currently pouring beer in a spray bottle so I can spray it on myself and smell drunk.
Told some chick I'm a virgin, on my way to her house as I type this. Debating crying afterwards to fuck with her head.
captain cockblock got me again last night so i put a squirrel in his room and jamed the door shut
I feel like I shouldn't have to explain to you why giving your cat weed was a bad idea.
I think I may have some undocumented and undiscovered std that causes girls to go bat shit crazy. How you got it is beyond me
Why were my jeans in the freezer of the mini fridge, and how long have they been in there? On another note, I found my teacher's ID badge.
I love 4am trips to the ER. I feel so responsible for actually making it all the way here.
I just meant the frequency of your blow jobs on a flow chart wouldn't look too promising
I know he's only a bandaid for my emotional disrepair, but he can stick me anytime!!
If you feel frisky later I have a cowboy hat that would look great on you naked...
Who is this......
Randomize
