You and I should start a club for people who woke up on outside on a bench with no idea how they got there.
You found Muppets From Space a little too intense, so you just sorta sat on the ground and stared at the wall plug for an hour and a half.
He came up there while i was bartending, ate a salad, told me he wanted to divorce me, then tipped me 10 dollars....
... was I dreaming when we did coke off of the xbox, or did that really happen?
but you don't have to sleep on top of four different cum stains because you'd rather buy a case of Franzia than spend $3.50 in the student laundry room
If it was designed to hold water, it was designer to hold wine
until he told me my vag was like a juicy apple and he loved eating it, yes, i really did think we were both sober.
I'll have my hookups make my March Madness picks. Win my bracket, win my heart. That's how it works right?
No Robbie is the name of a kid or dog, not an adult man who's fucking you.
I think it's god's punishment for my behavior in Vegas . Lies were told. Angels were defiled. Pools were pissed in
All I'm saying is the next time I see him naked, there better be something in it for me that doesn't end in bailing him out of jail.
I'm just concerned as to why his penis is two different colors.
So apparently being drunk at work isn't allowed.. who knew?
Thinking and hoping ice cream is the answer to my problems
She called me at 2am crying because her late night booty call moved out of state
Randomize