I can only speak casual parseltoungue, im not bad though. just the general, "wheres the bathroom?" "open the chamber of secrets" that type of stuff
well when i got there she was attempting to stick the cat in her mouth.. so maybe you should go check on her
Pretending to care about her feelings is becoming a full time job
they just started filling water ballons with vodka.
on my way.
I actually enjoy jerking off to her facebook more than I enjoy actually fucking her. Just something with our generation
We need a bunch of roses, some chocolate, 2 cops, a mariachi band, and a thermometer
My mom is wine drunk and on painkillers. As invigorating as that conversation was, it was also a dark glimpse into my future
I deserve to be covered in dicks
You kicked me our in the middle of a blizzard with a dead phone. I had to give my watch to a pizza delivery person to take me home. You owe me a gyro too.
Just burnt my tongue. Not sure if it will help or hurt giving blow jobs
HE MIGHT HAVE YOUR BUTTHOLE, BUT HE CANT HAVE YOUR HEART. THATS MINE.
I did what i always do when i miss him; masturbate and watch Bridges of Madison County.
YOU ARE THE ONLY PERSON I KNOW THAT STEALTH CLEANS PEOPLE TOILETS
He made a group chat with him, his wife, & I. Is this really life!??
I need to start dating older women. We tried sexting and she used more emojis than actual words. It was so bad that I did the math...her messages were 54% emoji. No one should make me feel this old when I'm only 28.
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