1:32 am: your girlfriend looks like a man
1:48 am: your uglier
i feel like i'm waiting in line to date brett michaels
What drug did you take that made the cabinets scream at you?
you kept saying "no santa, im not having sex with you. it's not your holiday".
These pubs in Ireland act like hand jobs aren't the universal currency
I would have rather watched a full length video of myself masturbating than heard that.
Should we pre-order food to the ER for cinco de mayo?
Maybe not, but you have to admit watching him get hit by the car was gratifying
sorry can't make it tonight, greg's getting back from italy. he's had two weeks of carbs and no gym; now's my chance to get myself a piece of that newly-fat, low self-esteemed ass.
A Bum and I jusst hugged. its not even 8 pm.
I took an adderall. This is weird. My eyes are really wide open and I am really good at staring. I've written on 9 peoples walls and updated my status. I am getting shit DONE!
he gifted me a vibrator as he was breaking up with me. you tell me how my night went
Got hit on by the cable guy. Solid 9. Think Orlando Bloom with a glorious curly mullet.
Life without a bra equals bliss.
You handed me an unpeeled grapefruit off the frat basement floor and then took a bite out of it.
Randomize
