I Just realized that having a picture folder that says "not for mom" may give off the wrong impression to wondering eyes
I just busted my ass on the ice in front of my entire AA meeting. As if being there wasn't embarrassing enough.
I don't know if it was the room or her, but as soon as the pants came off, it smelt like a locker room and old man farts.
After we smoked, the cops questioned us but i just asked if he wanted to join our basketball team.
I gave you a 45 minute blowjob. You were inside me for 3 minutes. I'm going to need you to get your shit together.
Food Network. Taking bong rips everytime we want to eat. BOBBY FLAY.
She told me she eats fruit when she's hungover because it has more water than water.
He deleted all his profile pics with her. It was like the bat signal for single women everywhere.
Then, halfway through our conversation, I remembered what you drunkenly told me last night and was all "maintain eye contact, do not look at his massive penis".
I was mid hand job and stopped me because he wanted to "connect" which meant putting his thumb in between my eyebrows and a hand over my heart and closing our eyes...
We went from zero to drunk tank in 45 minutes.
I think if my mom ever finds out about my nipple piercings I'll just be like "mom, tbh it's a sex thing"
Well I mean he still had sex with me after I told him that I play fetch with the kids I take care of, so I'm not really looking too far ahead with him...
Currently eating a pop tart in my underwear waiting for the washer. Not one of my prouder moments.
Met the hot new neighbor. She's into country music and giving really good bjs. Latter made up for the former.
Randomize
