If I don't come home tonight, I've died in a pile of gay.
Alcohol only hurts me because he loves me.
I just found a porn show called cleavagefield. no i am not watching.
he thinks im joking when i say don't visit. i mean it's summer...he was the college fuck and now it's time for the summer fuck
My ex came to my place while I was gone. Random things he took: snow shoes, my laundry quarters, a decorative picture, all my condiments, the container that held my rice and a sticker off my wallet. Then left a note saying he watered my plants and fed my cats. What. The. Fuck.
The main two things I remember from last night is you "spanking Katey into reality" and watching her barf in terror.
Really, thanks for buying me caribou, it helped me out. Today will forever be the day I threw up in a caribou cup in the skyway outside of chipotle.
Dude. Some drunk chick just put an Aussie hat on me and was screaming at me in German. Her friends had to drag her away. Point being, I now have a cool hat.
styled my pubes into a mustache as a surprise. Thought you should know
... why is there a bottle of pee on my headboard?
Check having sex on the rocks and dirt on the peak of saddleback mountain off my list.
I felt like a god.
Hey nothing wrong with those! I can't believe the guys who let me see where they live on first dates. Even more surprising, I don't stalk them after they've done me wrong.
I'm making myself the patron saint of bisexuality
MY COWORKER IS ATTRACTIVE AND I DROPPED A SONIC THE HEDGEHOG JOKE IN CONVERSATION I FUCKED UP
I'm cuddly bitch. Deal with it.
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