I got my nipple pierced! I love it so much!
Well, there goes breastfeeding.
Yo, my girl thinks she's pregnant, so I've got a DD for the wedding. Sweet.
We video chatted for almost two hours. But I woke up with puke on my keyboard. The question of the day: were we still chatting when I vommed? No idea.
Best text conversation ever. Other than the one we had about using blood for lube.
I wish you would always start your sentences with "speaking of my clit..."
she made me take her to the grocery store to buy a gallon of sweet tea and a shit ton of band aids, the cashier asked if someone was hurt and she replied "not yet.."
Our brains have an emergency blowjob override switch. You saw proof tonight.
Dude it was bad... like you fell asleep around the toilet after drinking from the back tank bad.
YOU ARE TAKING ADVANTAGE OF MY INEBRIATED STATE
YOU ARE DRUNK AND USED AND SPELLED THE WORD "INEBRIATED" CORRECTLY. I AM TAKING ADVANTAGE OF NOTHING.
I CAN'T HELP THAT I'M MULTITALENTED YA FUCKER
They have some sort of agreement that they can sleep with other people if it helps then achieve their goal, or something like that
How awkward
Yeah it's pretty fucked up
someone cut his neck open pretty bad with a broken beer bottle. We were so close to his house that we carried him home, but when we got there he casually laid on his bed and said he was just gonna sleep it off. WHO DOES THAT
Drunk me started making nachos apparently but never got to the part with the cheese. There are chips everywhere
"Being an adult" and "being happy" are two circles that do not overlap in my Venn diagram of life.
I got a discount on the lube for giving the cashier focaccia bread from work.
I went next door to get a can opener from them. They opened the door shirtless, asked me if I wanted to a smoke a joint with them. Then decided to make blueberry smoothies. But the yogurt in the blender & the berries, got confused when the berries blended into the yogurt and just kept adding more. Only stopped when we ran out of berries.
Randomize