she was so not down for the gang bang
big game today.. looking forward to seeing that magic win, and then i will celebrate with a nude dip in lake Eola.. anyone else in??
u downloaded tardy 4 the party
then u started screaming about not wanting nene on the record
The album was titled "Best Night Ever" until she found out she was preggers and switched it to "God Punishes Sluts"
I told her you were a premature ejaculator. She nodded and said "Really? Wow, how long's he been a Pilot for?"
you are both the best and worst wingman ever.
im kinda looking forward to winter break. ive been away from home for so long i think i can trick my vagina into thinking that these arent the same people ive been hooking up with since high school...
some drunk guy just paid $3 for each cig that i picked up off the ground. the cigs that he threw on the ground. I might just follow him the rest of the night
we are sitting in a kindergarden classroom alone chugging beer. look at our lives. look at our choices.
The girls at the police department photocopied my drinking ticket and told me to frame it and hang it on my wall. Then they gave me a free muffin and told me to party smarter next time.
When you get a chance, you should call Nick. He REEAAAALLLLLY wants to hear you make chewbacca noises.
Last night at McDonalds, you lied across the counter, pulled up your shirt and yelled "BODY SHOTS"...
Honestly I was sitting in managerial accounting thinking "I really need to get my shit together and stop drinking so much wine." But when you asked I realized... it's wine. It's always a yes.
how do you always get into these "we banged the same dude now lets be friends" situations???
Gay?
German.
Pity.
He left stubble rash on my thighs and cooked me bacon before 9am. I need to lock this down STAT
Randomize
