It's been over a month and I still can't find the bra I wore out on new years eve.
her name was charlotte except you kept calling her chatroulette and yelling at her to show you her boobs
And if not, hey- I've never had a restraining order before, so that will be cool
It could be our claim to fame
Done. I'll pack a cooler.
I Apparently saved a picture of the Eiffel tower in between 2 pics of his dick. It appears to be the same size. I fucking love Paris.
some guy i've known for a week sent me nudes saying "you're welcome" i need an award for this birthday
By the way, I got bored last night and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
currently pooping in a public restroom while drinking free beer. there has never been a finer line between awesome and depressing.
I heard you shushing me, but my screaming orgasm drowned it out.
HE'S LICKING FROSTING OFF OF THE EIGHTEEN YEAR OLD BOY
well that's what you get for sleeping with a guy called 'the defiler'
Idk how I even got accepted into college because literally the only things my brain ever thinks about are YouTube videos of baby animals and sex.
It began the way the best stories do—with some naïve jackasses in a place they had no business being at.
I'm going to get drunk, come back, call my grandma, and eat all those scrambled eggs.
I gave her a cheerful high five and she turned to me and said, "we should do that with our genitals." I may have to marry this girl.
That ass isn’t going to eat itself.
Randomize
