Omg. Never. Take a laxative the day you are going on. A date.
I'm drunk at The Bachelor casting call in Cleveland
I cherish every text you send me
I woke up to her vacumming the grass
I bruise way too easily for the kind of rough sex I want...
just ran into my gynecologist at the liquor store... i think she's found the source of my problems
Hey they cleaned all the blood out of the elevator. Also could you pick up some nachos?
i drank out of my shoe...were you seriously expecting me to be the voice of reason?
And we won't even have to pay the tab if we die AT the bar. So..win win.
I just read through our messages from yesterday and realized we both referred to me tearing my penis as a good thing. What the fuck.
Yeah. I asked if there was a finger in my ass at some point or if I had a weird dream. So far he hasn't responded
Is it just me or is Michael Jackson blasting throughout the house
Nothing says hey I wanna be your friend again like ambushing me with a dick pic
1) break up with him. 2) feel bad. 3) fuck some other guy. 4) feel better. Boom! Life plan. You're welcome.
just had an acid flashback in my therapist's office. i am a walking stereotype
He told me that I should keep my socks on next time because he read somewhere that it'll help me orgasm...
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