doooooooo herrrrrrrrr
I'm out of practice. be my yoda
put your penis in her you must.
I'm driving behind a lime green VW that has "Seniors '10!" shoe polished on the rear window. i haven't even seen her yet, but I do have a boner.
then we talked for a little and he asked my last name which since I have yet to get a fb request I'm 95% sure its for a restraining order
i told the doctor i drank a college amount of alcohol. judgemental prick
I positioned my bed perfectly so around 10 a.m. every morning there are rays of sunshine coming through the window in my room. Now i can tan while PTFO.
The toilet started ringing, I think I just found your phone.
Convinced lucas all the eggs in the fridge are fertilized and now he's crying.
I don't drink so I see St. Patty's as an LSD type of day. Its like a more hardcore 420
what's the proper way to say, "I'm sorry for puking on you and your bed mid hook up then going downstairs and fucking your roommate because you locked me out of your room completely naked...?"
You were discovered in a bush, smoking, and singing "in the jungle" to yourself. Which explains the scratches, but not the orange paint.
Just discovered evidence of drunken eBay bid. Drunk Mike did pretty good -- I'm getting a new sleeping bag.
I've literally NEVER been on a date or gotten through one episode of netflix without having sex like I JUST WANT TO WATCH TRUE DETECTIVE
So is that the only criterion for shenanigans now? Don't die?
You seem to be avoiding the poop question. How did you poop on your hand?
dude wtf why are there forks in my wall
does "I AM MAGNETOOOO" ring any bells, because that was you for an entire hour last night
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