I wanna wear you like a flannel shirt
If a girl is wearing Ed Hardy from head to toe, does that make her a douchebagette?
Life lesson #57: drinking whisky out of apples leads to threesomes.
I just found out my favorite drunk show, Repo Men, is just reenactments. I can't express through words my disappointment.
I'm scared. I feel like she's my mom and she just walked in on me having sex. Like she's "disappointed"
They have beer in plastic boots. How am I supposed to resist that?
Can you call him, he said something about going to the balcony to pee and now hes texting me saying hes lost
I am assuming I was his dirty Mardi Gras mistake and I can live with that
So far we've hooked up on a pool table, on a public bathroom counter and now in a little league baseball dugout. We haven't even made to a house yet.
Unless you've also woken up wearing a poncho and a ring pop, I suggest you don't judge me. Okay, I even judged myself for that.
"Little drunk?" Honey you were "livetweeting" Sublime's "Sublime" album while it was playing in his car, and at one point you said you hoped they play Santeria. "Little drunk" doesn't cover it.
I've got your keys and your panties. You can have one back. Your play honeybuns.
Would it be creepy if I masturbated with my face in the pillow he slept on last night? Cuz I'm pretty sure that's about to happen
I miss you.
Yeah, I don't want to have sex.
Hey! Its not the first time I've been eaten out in a bridesmaids dress in a church by a groomsman!
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