I'm not upset with you; I'm upset with Fox News.
I already apologized. And I got cum in my eye in return, I say your night beats mine...
Maybe he meant to say like I love fucking you? But just forgot the fucking part.. That's what I'm telling myself.
Dude, she gave me a handski that literally felt like she was starting a lawn mower...
Let us do this. Tomorrow night is thirsty Thursday. Let us drink whiskey from the bottle and have men in plastic gloves inscribe permanent images of each others faces onto our buttocks.
Here's my first problem: I'm drunk
He came over drunk in a speedo i told him he has my vote he said who are you voting for when i said obama he took off running and shouting i was worthless like an empty beer can
Will i get arrested If i steal the salvatiion arny guys bell for ringing it to close to my hangover
I don't know man, I have to ask my girlfriend if I can borrow my balls from her purse.
And we just chatted casually as i peed on the floor and she peed in the toilet
I screamed "I want dick!" in the middle of the intersection. So many hot guys. I wish you were here.
No matter how drunk I am or how drunk I'll ever be I love you
He's got that kind of dick that just MAKES me cheat on my boyfriend. It deserves a trophy. Really you should give it ride sometime.
On another note, I think my upstair neighbor is having sex. How awkward would it be if I showed up to her door with a bag of Chipotle?
No reason. My tongue went numb after one shot. I may die tonight
Randomize
