chick flicks and taylor swift songs are like porn for desperate singles
I am too pretty for them to be this angry at me.
Apparently we had sex last night, and then I made him drive me to the beach so I could puke in the ocean.
It's end St Patricks day. I'm gonna need a leash. And a bib. And a rain check on anything considered dignifying.
No...this little piggys going to the bar
sitting alone on a bench with a sombrero and a bottle of vodka. really angry i got here before you guys.
I found his Linkedin the day after he created it. Too stalkerish or just right?
I didn't want to but I was drunk in a Disney bathroom with her and had a weak moment.
Still no second date. Guess you shouldn't show guys your taser on the first date.
all I'm saying is that my epic blow jobs have made grown professional football players cry in ecstasy
She actually purred while I was balls deep in her! I have never been so proud to buy plan b at 6:30 in the morning.
Good, be his mentor. Like a tiny gay Yoda.
this is honestly why we're friends. we drink tea and plan to do drugs together.
Are you drunk texting me again or are you just being your regular stupid self?
yes
Uhmmmm is there really any way to tactfully ask "you into me jerking you off with my feet... or nah" cause if you find one let me know 😂
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