ParTy fuckkin suckkkks bro I gotta fid sum biTch 2 leT me fire sum loadz on her FACE!
?
Nah, but can you imagine if I were seriously like that?
guy picked up a cops taser, thing shot him in the neck, he went down and pissed himself, cop started laughing and hasnt called an ambulance.
totally watching dr. phil and getting eaten out right now. be jealous.
He talks to me in this sweet I know you might be pregnant voice.
you know u lost to a carboard cut out of sammy sosa in beer pong last night.
He had to carry me to the car. But then sat with me and waited for me to sober up enough to have sex. He's a keeper.
Is it acceptable I'm laying in bed drinking airplane bottles?
In our world? Yes, but I'm disappointed yoiu are wasting airplane bottles. Save them for sneaky occasions
Is it bad if one of my goals right now is to snort blow through a licorice?
Don't answer that. It is bad.
You went through my pantry and left one of everything in the box. One cracker. One cheesit. One piece of cereal. I really fucking hate you.
I've had to do a couple req orders today and I would like to submit to you an order form to requisition DAT ASS
Literally got mad at him this morning because we didn't have time to have sex for a third time. I think I'm getting greedy.
I think I fell asleep on the dance floor at one point...but played it off cool and acted like I just did the robot.
Tom just texted me he's Tindering from his hospital bed while they're running heart tests on him.
That's dedication to the game.
Can we make love to the Space Jam soundtrack?
i got a dick pic last night and the mother fucker had a Jesus picture in the background.
Randomize
