i chose cheese fries over sex for the third time this week.
Taljing aboutpenisrs w gerruly ska pops
Just saw the pics you left in my phone. thanks for reminding me that last night was not a dream.
some girl in front of me in class just googled "hungover+throwing up blood"
why did your cousin post "out tonight" on facebook? doesn't he know it's only 1 in the afternoon?
shhh don't tell him. it's cloudy out and none of his clocks work
i don't even remember going to get food. i think i got gas too.
He burst into tears while I was blowing him. NEVER giving a bj for a graduation present again.
Your christmas gifts are already wrapped, how on top of my shit am I?
I'm hungover as fuck and had to break into my own house by throwing a cinder block through my back door at 4am. You're more on top of your shit than me.
Thanks for taking care of me. I hope I didn't pee in your car.
Colombian exchange intern from my Mom's friend's ranch loves me, and is staying the night because we got each other drunk. Successful Christmas? I think yes.
Am I just high or is she having an auction for her vagina on Twitter
There’s a special place in hell for tall guys with small dicks
You know, normal sex stuff involves shitting your pants. If you do it right.
Just because you got dumped by some loser doeant mean you need Jesus. It just means you need better friends and some booze
I think my roomie is silently judging me for spraining my foot by having sex in a bounce house
so the bounce house and tequila was good idea then?
Randomize
