I dont care how high you are, meat and sprinkles dont mix dude
Hi. I probably already told you this mid puke, but thanks again for babysitting me last night. How did I get in the car?
Every single person in dollar tree stares at you if you are buying a pregnancy test and wearing a charlie brown costume. Just FYI.
thanks for not telling him i named my trumpet after his dick
I legitimately had a champagne shower last night at a rave. I was also carrying around two bananas in my pockets like guns. Drunk doesn't even. Begin to explain My night.
Trying to find a card for this engagement party. Can't find one that says "you met each other 5 months ago, cant wait to get the popcorn out and watch this one fall apart"
Come to the roof. We are drinking breakfast.
Chick in the reindeer getup puked on Baby Jesus last night. But then she bought us all empanadas so she's cool.
Uhh I just had to break up with a guy who I didn't even know I was dating...
Please don't explain what tea bagging is to my mother.
Honestly who turns down a free blowjob?
I can't find my keys and there's a hotdog in my purse.
I think I just received the most dignified proposition of my life. From the father of the bride. Who'd have thought.
Plus he probably didn't want to be at home, alone... Jacking off on the big screen without you there to lend a helping hand. I mean, let's be honest. It's not fun if it's not a little weird.
On a scale of one to 10 how Risky is it to sleep with a married man (all morals set aside)
Randomize
