I scissor kicked a one legged man last night.
He was trying to put me in handcuffs.
You have my attention.
'hiiiigh' is saved in my t9 for a reason
i keep forgetting that not all of my female friends are bisexual.
I'm full of awesome ideas
Yesss you are. Im full of confusion. I keep finding peanut butter on my legs...
I'm Still in a robe trying to piece together 3-7am I'll be there in a few
I won't be able to make it. Too hung over. Can't hold down fluids. I'm in the bathtub trying to hydrate my body through osmosis. And yes, Tequila Tuesday is totally still on for tonight.
I could really do without pictures of your asses in my inbox. That said, I'm extremely jealous that I wasn't involved.
She is wasted and this random lady got her to suckle milk from her tit
I just heard a 350 lb guy with a stutter describe getting blood in his eye as he was shanking his cellmate and, more generally, how to survive as a white guy in jail.\n\nYou should really consider going to some AA meetings
My roommate has gone Christmas crazy. It looks like Jack Frost came all over my living room. Wanna come fuck me in the fake snow by the fireplace?
That would make regret #10
He was more like the original regret
You woke up butt naked, peed yourself said something about jumbo shrimp, and passed back out 10 seconds ltr..
Are you sure he's still you're boyfriend when you're sober?
Pretty sure at some point last night i said to myself "it'll be fun to completely lose my mind for a night"
There were 16 girls and 31 titties. That’s how the club was. Lance doesn’t get to decide ever again.
Randomize
