dude, never take two tylenol pm and smoke three bowls. i feel like i'm covered in cold ants.
the clerk said it was the first time she had ever seen someone walk in the next day to return the tux still wearing the tux
But it was well worth it to see a man fly through the air in a beaver costume...
your drunk mistake has arrived...he is the one wearing a poncho
You lured him into the bathroom with a trail of jello shots, then proceeded to barricade the door with duct tape. You really should have thought that one through..
he's hot he just has too much baggage, and has really fucking skinny ankles which freaks me out
you aren't having sex with his ankles, As long as knee caps and above are good, i'd go for it
Hot Damn Cinnamon Schnapps make me feel like the sun is punching me in the face and a bear is sleeping inside me.
I can get there in 20, one question, Drress Code? Stripper Lite (make up may require an additional 5-10 minutes), Suggestive Professor (professor Kamil's cleavage ain't got nothing on me), Daywear, Dyke (and trust me you ain't seen dyke), or Exactly What I'm Wearing Right Now. (all of the above may arrive under a coat and are subject to my level of sobriety. Which is currently like nonexistent).--xoxo you know you love me, Gossip Girl.
He licked my mouth. I felt like I was making out with my dog.
didn't prepare for this snow storm at all. i only have like 6 beer and all my booty calls already went home for the holiday. this is bull.
A check for $9 that I used to buy six boxes of Girl Scout cookies bounced. I think I've hit a new low.
Dude, you fell into a tree, and both of the tables, AND the window well... Resilient aren't you?
Oh god I just had an orgasim riding my bike. I need to get laid pronto.
Are these your boobs on my camera?
Mandatory face masks - finally, a solution for lip augmentation failures and bad breath.
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