I haven't seen him in over a year. He asked me to his prom over myspace. Is he fucking serious?
Never eat 3 McGriddles and drink a carton of milk. It's like you're successfully killing self but you're alive.
My body has become completely dependent on Text Twist. I can't poop without it.
Once again there IS no outside bathroom. Never has been, that is the balcony
Can you confirm that Victor fucked a girl for Jack in the Box tacos?
I cannot, but I know he fucked a girl for a Nerf hoop and a "Kingpin" dvd.
Apparently, his doctor was impressed with how well we took care of his leg. We're like the kings of naked triage.
I thanked her dad for "firing off a good one" when she was conceived. She said thats why he doesnt like me.
the potatoes in the margarita machine wasn't the breaking point. its when he turned on the stove and put a bunch of bottle rockets on it that i knew the night had prematurely failed
You picked up her frozen vom puddle and threw it like a frisbee.
I just took a shower and found half a cookie melted under my boob. Please tell me there's a reason
You told your mom that it was your second day sober. I think she believed it until you jumped off the balcony
Wow. Last night.
I knew you were shit blasted when you called me your "sunflower queen"
shut up and let me use my vagina as a weapon of self destruction in peace!
I just texted my mom from a strip club.
Omg, new summer goal: sex in a bouncy castle.
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