I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
dude u gotta turn down the techno when u bang that chick its creepy
I've been thinking about all the girls in my life in terms of applying to college.
Huh?
I guess what im trying to say is that your my safety school.
i tried to hook up with a mom and then her husband came with num chucks
Due to our sore throats we are now doing bong hits with cranberry juice to sooth it.
buying my parents vodka for Christmas is like buying a normal person socks.
Its all fun and games until someone grabs the electrical fence.
No, I left myself a half eaten cucumber and a beer next to my head, pointed at it and said 'you're breakfast' and then passed out.
And tell the hostess not to worry, she's narcoleptic and fell asleep on the way to the bar, but she'll be fine in a few minutes.
Can we go out and do something semi fancy soon? I feel like wearing a dress and pretending to be an adult.
Yeah I was convinced everyone knew I was high. Time was passing way too slowly for anyone NOT to notice.
I just sat on the floor of my shower for 20 minutes to punish myself for drunk me's decisions.
what do you mean he's functionally heterosexual
I gave him a hand job in the parking lot... now he thinks we're meant for each other...
Her dad had just brought down their giant American flag for 4th of July and we fucked on it. I have never been more patriotic
Randomize
