the bitch is dead man
YOUR DOG DIED?
no i meant my mom has passed out .. so i'll be over soon.
In attempts to Not be THAT GIRL in front of my new crush I will only drink a 12 pack instead of my normal case.
Its 4 am and he honestly tried throwing pizza at his ceiling for decorations
How many bratwuest were you able to fit in your mouth at one time? It's me, Hans.
i hope this doesn't spoil anything but there are vikings and it is awesome
You know, last years football game was epic, but seeing the same girl that gave you a bj in the parking lot, in the same parking spot...that's fate.
i'm having taco bell mild sauce and tums for breakfast because i'm hungover and thats all i can find. it's like thanksgiving up in here
You would be too ashamed to ever love me again if you saw the filth I just created. It brings unspeakable dishonor to the nacho dynasty. Like I raped the king's daughter, cut off her hands and made him eat them that's how hard I fucked up nachos.
pro-tip: weed infused snickerdoodles are far less conspicuous to eat at work than brownies. no one ever suspects the snickerdoodle.
It doesn't matter how many beers you've had, it's unacceptable to piss in someone's helmet after a playoff win.
Fuck I forgot the furry convention was this weekend and now I'm downtown. Way too high for this shit.
I know you just got dumped by your gf but believe there is still good in the world. I just smoked a joint and took a fucking unbelievable poop. Give me a call tomorrow.
I threw your vagina at him like a grenade. And sweet Jesus he caught it like a champ
fuck school, let's just become the worst strippers ever
Just so we're clear, drunk and naked is not appropriate attire for Thanksgiving. Do it this year and Grandma will ban you for life.
Randomize
