shes hot in the i'd deny it if anyone asked kinda way
Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
frozen peaches as icecubes. vodka Sundays just got wayyyy better
Oh my god. I think I just sexted my mom...
What?!
Fwd: Ride me, you sleek sleek woman!!!
She is wearing lilly and pearls while drinking natty from a monogrammed coozie. If that isn't a sorosititue I don't know what is
I've see this movie. You sext me after the bar and fall asleep mid sentence. Roll credits.
I mean we've tried to get high on nutmeg, we clearly dont know the definition of "too far"
Just so we're clear this time around: This is dinner with my FAMILY. Not an opportunity for you to drink too much, and use the word "dick-thumpin" in casual conversation.
Dad, is it in any way illegal for me to run around throwing handfuls of lucky charms at people tomorrow?
you're kidding right?
I got carried out by security last night. AND the taxi had to drive up onto the sidewalk to get me i was that drunk.
Why does my jaw hurt?
I may have punched you.
I was the girl at the bar last night passing out free condoms and making sure everyone knew how to use them to keep the population down
I'm the one on the patio wearing underwear. Holding a pipe. Pigtail and glasses. Can't miss me.
I've had sex near too many of the blankets to let our parents touch them like this
I said no to friends with benefits because it was too much commitment
Randomize
