Dude, I just woke up on the floor of some random chick's floor with puke in my hair and a posted note on my forehead that said "It's over." Dude I wasn't even aware I was in a relationship...
Instead of having sex, we spent the entire night making pillow forts and have sword fights. I think I'm in love
we have officially mastered the walk of shame
the jail released me with 39 mardi gras beads. I need details.
Lesbian chick is doing her presentation on the time she woke up on the dockside still drunk at 7 am. This is why I show up to chinese class.
I'm eating dry tortillas on a mattress without a sheet. and i thought my life would change after graduation.
Is there a fine for having sex in the back of a zipcar?
Please make the clown in the corner stop judging me. I mean he's the one with paint on his face. I don't need him judge judying me.
I have a strict rule of what enters my vajay. It's either sparkly, or human. Anything else and I draw the line. Standards.
Some days you just pee in a stairwell and go home.
For future reference. Do not congratulate the bar tender at oscars she is not pregnant she has just gotten fat u will get a shot thrown in your face
Let's make an agreement. No drugs until you finish all your homework. I'm hiding them as we speak.
You called your ex, and talked to her for an hour about how you miss her, came back inside and asked the girl with the biggest tits if you could take a pic with your face in them and sent her the picture.
i just really want to fuck a guy wearing lederhosen
it'll be sexier than it sounds, i promise
We free pour in this house. Measuring alcohol is for the weak
Randomize
