I had a dream last night that Anthony Bourdain gave me a vibrator.
his cum tasted like old pizza and looked like old milk
Accidentally spilled a drink on her roommates skirt, offered to clean it, and got a blowjob out of the deal. Something went horribly right.
Resolution for 2011: blow jobs are a privilege, not a right.
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
Chicken strips. I got my nose broken because of Chicken strips.
We didnt even know he was in the house until he came downstairs and asked why he was wet
Can't decide if I want to watch full house or the fleet wood Mac concert during the presidential debate.
Made a holiday JibJab of all my fucks. How's your night?
I think that all guys are assholes, some of them just have less assholeish qualities that we accept in our lives and that we can look past enough to deal. They have to be a pretty special asshole.
So... remember when you threw an orange in the closet when we were 16 to make wine? Just found it. Not wine.
So it's official the pockets of my work apron exist solely for the purpose of secretly flipping off asshole customers and not losing my job.
I need a fucking roommate.
You need a fucking babysitter.
So I lost my dignity between the strip club and your penis...
Life is clearly unfair. You remember Courtney has three older sisters, well they're all "make baby sister look like a four" hot. I knew I shouldn't go home with her.
Randomize
