She's never had brie before last night, don't know if I can date a girl that doesn't like soft cheeses.
i study at coffee shops because all these damn artsy people motivate me to work towards a real job.
I wonder if i passed any courses from last semester
I think I ordered pizza when I got home. The email said the delivery time was noon today. So if that shit shows up I am the most amazing drunk on the planet.
look for us when you get to the club. we're the guys wearing snorkels.
I woke up with her little sister yelling "she's dead !!" from the bathroom doorway.
It's official. 2011 is the year of sport fucking
He tells me he loves me and I say I just want him for sex, then he looks at me like I just said I hate puppies. What kind of guy is he?
im suggesting it to him. and by suggesting i mean we're not having sex again unless im wearing high heels
Apparently from about 3-5AM I was consoling that crying stripper about her life choices.
Fuck these runners passing me on campus as I'm waking to dinner. With my huggie. With flavored vodka and rum. Aka yum
Oh god. I just had a sex dream about the talking dog from the Bush's Baked Beans commercials.
I accidently sent a dick pic to the group chat with her family. Right after they all said it was a pleasure having me for dinner. Wana drink with me?
Well I got black out drunk before the rehearsal dinner and berated my family with insults. But other then that it was a good time
You started having a threesome right in front of me.
lololol that's what happened?
Stephanie looked me right in the eye while she was going down on you. It made me really uncomfortable.
Randomize
