Is it normal to miss your booty call?
the family i'm sitting with looks like the Addams family. Except for the daughter...she looks like Shrek
we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
I just met the 30 percent of the population with an STD
we gave some random guy a shot for shoveling our sidewalk.
So I'm about to go to his house and have "I'm really sorry for cheating on you last night" sex
I am so hungover and cant move but craving a Wendys frosty so bad. I might have to watch 2 girls 1 cup just to settle the urge
This has been your unwelcomed wake-up call, brought to you by exes united. Have a good day, to opt out please type "STOP", to continue but act as though they do not exist please enter "DON'T CARE" for random daily wake up texts by exes united please press "PSYCHO!"
I'd say I'd distract him, but I lose my psychic powers when guys get girlfriends. And by psychic powers I mean taking off my top.
My chest hair is, as we speak, arching upward to embrace my neck beard. The union will be a storied one.
I let a drunk, gay man in a dragon costume motor-boat me. With his dragon head.
"I'm in the bathroom. Only place I can sit and relax without that girl trying to give me a lap dance."
Sex in your truck helped me start regaining feeling in my jaw. Thanks!
I told him I want him to read me my Miranda rights while he's fucking me. Act exactly like he does while he's on duty except with his dick out.
That man fucks like a champ. The sex was so good I did him again in the morning just to be sure
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