i never thought i'd have to say "please stop having sex on me"
wow.
yeah, it was that bad.
i have a girlfriend
if you're drunk do you have a girlfriend?
no
so my 6 year old came home from school and asked me if he was a bastard cause the kids at school called him one, i told him to call them a clit. those parents will hate me
just found preset five on the shower head...pretty sure my pussy just had a panic attack
its my first week of college and i have a UTI
not easy being a whore now is it
Do you think she's aware of my deep hatred or should I set her hair on fire in her sleep?
He had a ladies night special at his place. Unlimited jello shots till 10, 50 cents after.
Its funny how you denied every part of the text except " you hate fat ppl"
Uhh, there's a legit bruise on my boob.. Again how does he manage this
and honestly how many chances will you get to hook up with a one armed guy?
As soon as they started using chocolate milk as a chaser for captain Morgan, I thought l it'd be best to leave.
THERE IS AN ENORMOUS FAT WOMAN EYEING MY FLIGHT'S GATE LIKE IT WOULD BE DELICIOUS TO EAT.
This is a sacred holiday in the land of the free! I do what I want!
I showed him my toy collection and he goes, "You won't need those anymore," and dropped his pants. I threw the House of Pleasure out last night.
He asked me what I wanted for Christmas. I told him an orgasm would be nice.
Randomize
