How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
He is like the real live version of the state fair..
How are you going to be there by 9am?
Relax I always go to these conferences hung over
You say that like it's a positive quality
Best morning ever. I saw a bum giving another bum a blowjob downtown.
Note to self: You can't deep fry cheese-its.
I like how he had to correct himself in stating that I was the fat one in the threesome.
Moral of the story is go have sex with a foreigner and report back to me.
He's basically me if I was an 8-yr-old boy. It's like looking into a pudgy terrifying mirror
Know what was probably a bad idea? Using white wine as a mixer for vodka.
I just looked down and realized I was walking around in briefs and a ninja turtle shirt; and for a second, I thought I was 8 again... Weird...
Just had my first american. He tasted like freedom.
Yes dating, but it seems easier to just live in a perpetual state of Netflix, internet porn, and cheese.
I got to my internship late... with a bag of chipotle and sex hair.
Had an orgasm and got a charley horse at the same time. It was a multi-purpose scream.
The cure for a hangover evidently is not walking around in a costume in the sun towards of park of screaming children
Randomize
