I think we should start referring to bisexuals as "strays"
It was weird to see you drinking wine out a glass instead of a red cup today
he just tried to convince me that tylenol is a gateway drug
I hit a bug from across the room with my flip flop boomerang style. That awesome.
Dude they are all farmers and I'm pretty sure there's a prostitute here.
Just pooped at the strip club. NOT NORMAL . I may be a little too comfortable here.
He shaved off his eyebrows. This is not my life.
Now I can say "look me up on Pornhub."
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Justin Timberlake, while dressed as Britney Spears. Fuck Jessica Biel, all my 90's dreams are coming true.
didn't realize her mom was home while we were fucking, but she's oddly okay with it. she made us food afterwards. but then kept talking about having grand kids the whole time. is it time to bail?
If you think eating a bowl of leftover stuffing and drinking champagne from the bottle in dirty sweats at 9am is sexy... Then yeah, I'm your girl.
They are gonna stay together and get married and have 2 children before he wakes up and realizes that there is more to life than anal
It’s 830 am and the amount of Valentine’s Day snaps I’ve already seen makes me either want to vom, drink a bottle of wine, or buy chocolate
1000% No lie I was just looking on insta and was thinking about taking a bottle of wine to the face..
Ever had one of those went so hard last night you woke up at the foot of the bed naked wondering where your phone ended up?
And now, by the power vested in me by the state of intoxication, I now pronounce you fucking awesome.
Randomize
