Dude you can sell sperm for 100 to 250 bucks a time. And the best part is there will be kids all over the world that will have me as a daddy. It's like I'm jerking off my way into ruling the world
Its against the rules to not make you aware of his virgin situation prior to penetration
He kept his baseball cap on when he went down on me...
Tinkerbell just flew up to me and tickled my balls. What the fuck did we smoke?
There are pre-booty call contracts for a reason. I have no intention of calling you tomorrow.
Do you need my fax number or something?
I flashed a party boat full of Asians yesterday, didn't I?
I have no idea, but there's a bus parked in front of my house and like 6 texts saying im gonna prove my love. this is either really really awesome or really really bad.
Is it weird that i want a guy to ask me to homecoming by spelling it out in meatballs?
THATS VERY WEIRD
I say "glasses of whiskey" like I didn't chug it out of the bottle
As if I didn't already know that I was in the friend zone, our conversation that included the words "kiddo" and "old friend" really was a knee biter.
Well yeah. But im not sure i trust the black out drunk high girl giving life advice
We moved the bed and she found my vibrator. The entire ride home was a montage of her singing "Are You Lonesome Tonight"
Dude my toilet did not deserve what I just did to it
My head is bruised from having sex in the backseat of an explorer last night.
Hey? Just a hypothetical. You ever accidentally kill somebody's cat on purpose? Like you didn't mean to but it had it coming? If you're wondering it tripped me while I was walking down the stairs and I landed on it as I fell.
Randomize
