OMG. Drunk.
I'm so glad you fill me in on these things.
Sorry. Must've been trying to twitter.
You should really figure out how to get me a picture that will pop up on my phone when you call
Just upload a picture of Bea Arthur. That's what my soul looks like these days
woke up and she was making me crepes. definitely not the last time i fuck a culinary student
Throw up on the ground, people dancing to loud Bollywood music, seats literally missing. Fuck I hate public transit
alcohol. turning childhood friends into awkward hookups since the dawn of civilization.
i remember introducing him to all my posters and making him be extra nice to frank sinatra and bob dylan before he fucked me
Hickey on my chest, threw out my elbow and now walking out my shame.
Youre getting too old for this
during charades she pointed to herself and you guessed 'girl who wants to fuck me'
Almost told my boss I was an expert aat swallowing when he questioned my ability to take excedrin,xanax, and a vitamin all at once. It was a medicinal gang bang lubricated by arizona tea.
Listen, don't freak out when you walk out on me masturbating in front of my roommate. No homo. He just needs to be put to his place.
So it finally happened last night... I re-met someone that i've already had sex with. Had no idea who he was. Fantastic
I decided not to eat, and then this man was my fairy " don't black out" godmother
he called me 'mate' and i had to remind him that you dont call people mate who continously make your dick hard
No actually you're a pro. You puked on the cab ride, and managed to completely contain it in your purse. the cabbie was even impressed.
I'm trying to imagine how upset he was when he realized that he had been cockblocked by a picture of a sloth and I am drawing indescribable pleasure from it.
Randomize
