god i wish i could take a shit and a shower at the same time
we both passed out while playing beer pong, woke up in the morning and continued to play coffee pong to cure our hangovers
the fact that i fell through a skylight is the least humiliating part of the night
Announcement: Given the sad circumstances regarding the death of my dearest friend Chong the Bong, there will be a brief memorial service for him tomorrow evening at 10:30 at my place. After sharing some memories and sending his spirit off to the great bowl in the sky, we will all take place in the commemoration and maiden voyage of his son, Chong Squared, who eagerly waits to meet all of you. High blessings to you all, piece be with you.
Where would I incorporate "your boyfriend fucked the shit out of me last night" before or after Merry Christmas bitch?
Most senic walk of shame ever. This is why you go to school in Hawaii.
Dude, you vomitted into a trashcan wearing your bear hands and high heels. Your drug dealer even said that was rough.
Dude come to her party. Someone just took a body shot of rubbing alcohol
I don't know what part of my sober brain thought it was a good idea to get stoned when I can barely walk with crutches as it is, but that part is stupid.
I laid naked in his bed as he brought me an ice cream sandwich so I would say everything worked out great
Something must have happened, they started yelling truffle butter and you said we needed to leave NOW
Remember the golden rule, wine is for baths, and beer is for showers.
The Dick I got last night was so phenomenal that I had to take a fucking personal day today.
Well shit I mean if you get a bunch of cashed up drunk lesbians together in a casino, it's bound to go south at some point
How high?! We watched paid programming for 45 minutes before we realized it wasn't just a long commercial. So pretty high. The Bionic fish finder looks promising, though.
Lets get a boat first.
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