sorry i'm running a bit late. had to shave my brittney...was looking more like rapunzel. clearly i've been having a drought.
He fucking owes me dinner after I gave him head under the deck behind the bar.
I am currently prioritizing my hw by splitting into things i can and things i cant do drunk. Oh college
he has cookie breath... dont trust fat people.
don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you
couldn't find a condom?
basically
The preggo girl brought her pet chipmunk to class today. fyi.
Well at least he stopped keeping track of money by bottles of McCormick.
Oh and I found some acid for the drive back to school, productive day
i told myself when i was 16 i would never fuck an Alan. now i've fucked 3 and i'm punching my 16-year-old self in the face
Last time he went to Europe, every time he started drinking he would wake up in a different country with no memory. There is no way he can be tour leader.
Maybe there is a secret pocket full of cocaine in that spiderman wallet.
I can't tell if my bong is gender-neutral or not
How the fuck does a person bruise an armpit? I swear to god, I get the lamest drunk injuries.
Why do guys insist on chatting me up this early in the morning? I'm just like "Dude, I look like the bastard child of Einstein and a troll doll. Let me eat my Hot Pocket in peace."
I don't know if I'm more excited about sex or that I have an excuse to smoke a cigarette
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