so when am I gonna get some from you?
when you dick grows 3 inches
"must pass the hog line" should not only be used in curling. but also when we go out to pick up girls.
His appology was" look at it this way, at least you'll give better head without those teeth.'
and my loofah got caught on my nipple ring in the shower today. what an awful experience.
I booked us a cruise for November. Lose 20 pounds and don't cheat on me before then.
Can you bring me a pair of sunglasses to the bathroom please... Don't judge me.
I just bought 4 bottles of wine in sweats at 530 on a monday night. Fuck law school
There's a skateboard on the patio and all the chips are gone. The note on the fridge says 'don't buy cheese'. Stop letting her go outside.
who knew i was capable of sobriety and human-like emotions all in the same night?
I need to stop drinking alone, I wrote a love letter to my tattoos
I fell asleep in my underwear on the deck. What the fuck.
This was the best text I've ever woken up to
I spent all the money my grandpa gave me for Christmas last night….solid start to 2015
My ex's psycho new girlfriend found my vibrator I forgot at his place. Apparently she didn't find it as funny as I did. 😂
You peed all over his floor and had a bottle popped in your ass when you passed out. Don't tell me I'm "still living in my college days"
What do you think would be the best way to remove a baby carrot from a vagina?
Randomize
