Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
I may have discovered that porn hub is on my top visited sites during class this morning.
I thought I broke my iPhone. I was almost as depressed as the day I broke my vibrator.
a girl walking in front of me just packed her cigarettes 72 times and yes i counted
how much adderall did you take today?
Also, our mothers are placing bets on which of us will get pregnant first.
i found a twelve pack under my bed. and a six pack in my closet. I'm like a fucking alcoholic squirrel.
Babe, I need to be clear. I DO NOT WANT TO HAVE ANAL. Never. No anal. No "talking about it"
I put you to bed and you would not go unless I let you sleep with the vodka
antibiotics and champagne: breakfast of champions
Well... I got her number now... I think she is a dish best served drunk
"I played a game called "how drunk can you get in a minute" last night. How was your Thursday?"
You're a mystery wrapped in an enigma wrapped in a redhead
I complemented his smile, he sends me a dick pic. Seriously?
twas supposed to be night one of rebound break but it was night one of get sloppy drunk and dance half naked in an ice shack
He smells like sex and magic. I’m already naming our children
Maybe you should talk to him first
Randomize
