I told him he can't put it there till we're exclusive. That's totally The Relationship Hole.
Are you going to tell your therapist we boned?
I just realized that all of my cardio comes from dancing on tables.
I don't remember what your face looks like..
I don't remember your face either, just your dick.
Dude feel your hair right now it feels so weird like pasta
he told me he was watching a movie and he'd be over later and i asked how long. he said 8 inches give or take. you cease to amaze me with the guys you set me up with.
It's like she can't drink without using a flambongo
Thank God I didn't lose my virginity to that asshole. That woulda been like winnin a raffle ticket for a free bag of dog shit. But with like a really pretty bag. A pretty bag full of dog shit.
She only spoke Russian, but she was so gorgeous it didn't matter
Oh. I think she ate all the cake and took our vodka...still gorgeous.
seeing two freshman taking a cab home at noon on a Monday makes me realize how much worse my life choices could have been
I've fucked 6 of my brothers' friends. I'm completely fine with him fucking the girl we ate lunch with.
His penis could choke an elephant. A baby elephant... But an elephant non the less.
I just passed a kid trying to leave on a lawn mower
My house smells like bleach. Also, I do not feel bad about all the stuff I stole from the hospital while I was there.
I dont know how I should feel about you making a 37 year old come visit you and then making him do the walk of shame from your dorm room...through campus
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