remember that night we drank a bottle of vodka and went to mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu, twice?
we can't do that now- first b/c they got rid of that menu and 2 b/c we are broke now. damn this recession.
i just made my mom cry by blowing spit bubbles.
I am too high to leave where I am...And they are listening to Stained. This is my living hell.
Just pulled my keys, cell-phone and a pack of cigarettes out from between my cleavage. This one guy's face was priceless.
apparently, i ordered a pogo stick last night. i can't even be mad about that.
I think I love you, but I may be biased because we had pirate sex.
It probably isn't a good idea to go home with last night's hookup's brother. And sister.
Probably is probably an understatement.
15 year-old stoners have those problems. we're college students dude. dont be like that...
It was kinda hard to explain to his wife why there was chocolate syrup on the ceiling.
Im gonna wear a random assortment of things for Halloween, guy with the most creative answer gets laid
He was humming "here comes Peter cottontail" while unbuttoning his pants. Happy Easter to me
If you go to Tinseltown tonight. First bathroom on the left, second stall. Avoid. It's still coming to terms with what I did to it.
I made out with a guy who was dressed as Borat
And like a minute in, I was like oh fuck what am I doing
Did you run away?
I DANCED AWAY.
I miss using glorious as an adjective. I'm gonna start doing that again. And I'm gonna try to get cuntatrosphe in there some more, too.
There were 16 girls and 31 titties. That’s how the club was. Lance doesn’t get to decide ever again.
Randomize
