shes wearing a jean skirt, its frayed. i got this
she did the YMCA with her lgs... i think she forgot she wasnt wearing any underwear
Our relationship just reached the stage where i can touch her boobs while making a honking noise without getting hit in the face
I may do that, fyi I'm even more sore than I was yesterday. It's like the ghost of your dick is still inside me.
God damn. I'm really starting to resent babies. They're everywhere. Like fucking land mines.
But I feel like studying my flashcards during a blowjob would be rude...
My ex was there, the 2 girls I'm seeing showed up and I had a pocket full of VIP passes 2 the strip club. Had all the makings of an epic night but I fell asleep at the bar.
By the way, do you realize that you asked me how much you could get for your eggs last night. And once you learned the price said that you had plenty to share.
You seriously knocked all the beer off the table, broke the beer pong table, broke the bar and kept yelling "you have to warn me first!" all because I wouldn't let you have another four loco
I put purple lights under my bed and asked him if he wanted to fuck in a spaceship.
Stop leaving buckets of wine at my house.
YOU CANT JUST BLOW GUYS BC THEY’RE NICE TO YOU LEXI
I CAN IF I WANT TO
You know you're high when you find yourself sitting on the floor with the refrigerator door open, talking to various foods. Hand gestures and all.
i'm in a very strange mood rn i'm listening to bruno mars??? am i ok????
I think she lost me at about the point where the words “Ice Cream Enema” were spoken.
Randomize
