i tried to hook up with a mom and then her husband came with num chucks
I just found out my boyfriend is cheating on me, please tell me Carl is a unisex name.
who knew that a girl that let me piss on her within 20 minutes of meeting her would get upset i couldn't remember her name.
Tell him I thought his Superman stand on your bed and cum all over your back was quite funny
Just had such a rough shit, don't stop believin had to be played
The president of the frat said he was honored to award me "Best Overall Blow Jobs", free admission to all their future parties, and a $20 gift certificate to Denny's. I'm not sure if I feel proud or if that's just the burrito coming back up...
Also, what are the symptoms of syphilis?
Grandma is giving me marriage advice again. On the plus side, she thinks I'm straight now.
The guy I woke up with is wearing the same nailpolish as me...I need to stop drinking
Ive been thinking this might sound random.. But we need a piano in our house next year specifically for railing chicks on it.
I just put bronzer on my abs to snapchat nudes. If that's not going hard I don't know what is
You just want to live out all your fuck fantasies with all these girls through me. I know your game. Well played sir.
You literally chaperoned my booty call.
Teach me the ways of your demonic sorcery.
Between randomly bursting into tears and the reappearance of my lost sex drive, this break up has left me bizarrely damp.
You are telling me my dick tastes like a taco supreme?
I'm saying this "taco supreme" tastes like your dick.
Randomize
