I just woke up my dad to tell him that i made out with the drummer. He wasnt as excited as I was.
She's been divorced three times and use to raise cock fighters. Of course I'm interested in her
for the record, graham crackers won't get the taste of cock out of your mouth. also we're out of graham crackers
He tried to bang a 300 pounder last night. No joke. I shotgunned a tall boy in a bar cuz the bartender didn't crack the beer. Cant wait till Nashville.
quick, send me a pic of a fat chick eating ice cream in a bikini. no joke, no questions, just do it.
Am I the only one that feels like there are hundreds of tiny people having a rave and stomping and kicking around inside my head this morning?
I let him watch sportscenter while we fucked. How did he repay me? I'm now missing class to get a shot in the ass for the clap. You and I are getting wasted and keying someone's car this weekend.
Oh my god. I just RAN OVER a child. Oh my god this isnt my day. That kid was cool as fuck though
I passed out and slept in my car. Now I feel like a hungover zoo animal. Look and laugh people, look and laugh.
He was on my bed looking at me like a sacrifice to the gods of gay sex and he's definitely a bottom. Like Jesus Christ a really, really great ass of a bottom.
My phone autocorrects "pooping" to "popping" and I'm like DO YOU EVEN KNOW ME??!
Considering all of my stomach contents ended up in my center console, I'm a bit peckish.
I told her we had to stay at the bar until at least midnight because that's when my direct deposit hit, don't tell me i'm not responsible
Remember those two guys in our frat that would no homo everything? I just got an invitation to their wedding.
I almost suffocated in that mask but she kept calling me Jeremy so I kept it on.
Randomize
