I guess what I'm trying to say is you've fucked more people than the economy.
I'm gonna keep this simple. I threw up in your pillow case. Sorry.
we were in your room and your mom was singing twinkle twinkle little star in the hallway. so you decided to scream "twinkle? TWINKLE! What Fucking little star?!"
i just ate two sandwiches and am debating booty calling my landlord
She said she didn't want me watching her give me a bj, so she proceeded to make a "blowjob igloo" out of blankets...
Girls night always turns into let's seperate and get laid night.
...and the foreplay consisted of me threatening to cut off his hand if he didn't remove it from my back.
I am too hungover to address any of this right now, every time i move it feels like i'm being bitch slapped by the hand of God
He gave me the award for most entertaining blow job. That should count for something.
My arms in a cast, how am I supposed to have sex with only one hand?
more importantly I need two hands to eat pie
Come over so I can fuck you louder than her country music
He said watch this and then went and tripped into a group of 40 year old women, now he's leaving the club with them.
There's a big difference between a penis and a toilet.
Ever been to a strip club with one stripper? I have. And she sucked.
hey, just so we're clear, next time we go swimming drunk at my house, we have to use the floating chairs instead of my mattress. i'm not sure how to get it out of the pool.
Randomize
