I just finished washing your number off of my chest. I'm Bryan by the way.
Yea.. I remember nothing. Except that the taxi driver was 56 years old and apparently never cheated on his wife.
2nd semester senior, always drunk. at this point if i don't get a good parking spot, i turn around and drive home
I knew I was rolling hard when I realized I had been rubbing the couch for an hour
Article 1, law 1, section 1 of the apartment 25 party handbook: tarp will be purchased prior to any and all future parties. Aforementioned tarp will be placed on floor. Any and all sick patrons must relocate to tarp preceding the event of expulsion of bodily fluids. Failure to do so will result in ejection of guilty patron and banishment of the accused from succeeding party. All patrons must read and sign a copy before entry is granted.
Stop banging my friends. This is getting weird.
Stop being friends with hot 18 year old girls.
I look like one classy bitch running in heels through my backyard while carrying a small dog and a large bottle of booze. How am I still single?
Seems like you've kicked summer 2012 off well.
I just want school to he over so we can build a big tent, do drugs inside it, and watch cartoons until the sun comes up.
That's all I've ever wanted.
New drink: empty coke can vodka water maple syrup. Get on my level
I don't care what you say, the fact that he's a drag queen with the same shoe size as me is reason enough to date him
AHHHHHHHHH. I LEFT A GLASS NEXT TO ME WHEN I FELL ASLEEP I'M SO SURE IT WAS WATER BUT NOW IT'S VODKA JESUS MADE A STOP
Bitch are you kidding? 2016 is gonna be the year our pussies run for president
You have got to be the only man who has passed out while getting a lap dance.
three of my fingers are bleeding and the only thing on my phone rn is a google search of 'Allison Janney'
My friends said as soon as you walked in, I motor boated you like there was no tomorrow.
Yeah, I liked it.
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