Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
I had a talk with my mom about respecting myself and not acting like a whore so she will rip my nose ring out if she somehow sees that picture
i take joy in having bigger boobs than others
So it turns out there are pros and cons to having a broken wrist. Pro: I can give amazing blowjobs with my left hand. Con: I just had to open a packet of crisps with scissors.
There comes a time in a man's life when he's almost thirty he just needs to stop watching Degrassi. This is that time.
i think i was tempted to text while we were making out. like i remember holding my phone up behind his head and just staring at it.
I woke up with a fake mustache stuck to my chest and I can't even hold down water.
I really gotta be careful. My email inbox is equal parts notifications from instructors and this dude's dick. If I get drunk and reply to the wrong thing I might get kicked out of grad school.
Dude you were so high some kid was kicking the wall and you were convinced it was your heartbeat
And by go well you mean everyone's hammered right?
Yupp. And someone's bleeding
I think this is the rare instance where the babysitter should get sex as payment from the person being babysat plus you'll get birthday sex. It's a win-win.
I apologize for being mean. I love the blender and your vagina.
I feel like a bottle of fireball rented a bull dozer and ran me over until I was left without a shred of my dignity
Now with the essential back story, I can empathize. Sorry about your beer and butthole.
Went home with a guy last night with Taco Bell sauce in my hair and on my pants
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