We have a vodka soaked ShamWow with your name on it.
filled out health questionnaire for lower premiums a little bit too honestly. Literally got assigned a life coach.
The boys are giving me the exam answers and I don't even have to expose my body..yayy engineering!
His mom took away his car and made him quit his job.
HE'S 26!!!
We can't have sex anymore. The amount of money I've spent on meds and copays for UTIs is getting ridiculous
When sleeping with someone new: should you hide the magnum condoms, or let him know what he has to live up to?
There has to be a way to make college graduation in Las Vegas different than any other Tuesday in Las Vegas. Strippers? Been there. Getting arrested for public indecency on the strip? Done that.
also, made a drinking game out of my birthday photos....drink everytime alcohol is in a photo. going through all 350 of them.
You're worse than that girl who made out with her cousin at that party
That was you...
I think my ball sweat smells like waffle house. might be time to change up drunken eating habits
I am the worst person to have nipple rings I'm hanging ornaments off of then and sending everyone a tits the season to be jolly
he just used a semicolon in the middle of a sext
I'll screw just about anything, but I draw the line there
Well that's disappointing. I guess I'll give a lesson on dick-breaking another time then
I'm not going to drink anymore, and on that note I'm not going to drink any less either, so I'll see you there. . .
Randomize
