Sometimes I wish there were a little bird hiding that would periodically go, "creep-per."
So he handed us the weed then asked us if we needed any papers. And she goes "i dont know what that means, do we need to sign something?"
I'm hoping that banging a 24 year old 3 times cancels out banging that freshman on Wednesday
yep you were here saturday. if you woke up smelling like vanilla i can explain.
I put tequila in my salad dressing yesterday. Step the fuck up.
You wanna know how bad I feel? I couldn't get out of bed to get the remote, so I just downloaded the comcast app on my phone so I could change the channels
You were drunk it couldn't have been that bad
I've never been drunk enough to enjoy getting a blister on my dick.
Why were you not born a dude?
Because god wanted to level the playing field
By the way, just opened the browser on my phone for the first time today... And it was it the "images" section of "who invented ass fucking"
So thanks for that
So when the drug raid cops tell you, you should get out of the relationship, it probably means its time.
The number of mornings I actually have to say out loud to myself "you must put pants on and go to work" to get motivated is...troubling.
My apartment is also really close to an alcohol rehab in case I get out of hand
I just want to smoke this blunt and eat pizza rolls while watching The Price Is Right with you.
His phone started ringing when we were pulled over and he said 'hold on, this is most likely more important than you', proceeded to answer it and agree to work sunday, then hung up, looked at the cop and told him to continue.
Angels sing when his face is between my thighs. I came 3 times before he even came up for air.
Randomize
