OKAY SO WHENEVER I SEE AN UGLY COUPLE I ALWAYS WONDER WHAT THEY SAY TO EACH OTHER IN BED. creepy?
just saw an old couple make out...not too sure how I feel about it. though I will admit at one point I was thinking "oh yeah! get that!"
they say celebs die in threes. leave it to billy mays to throw in one extra COMPLETELY FREE!
The more I sober up, the more sick I am/realize how weird dancing around a wine bottle was
I was worried if he didn't show me his penis, he would kill himself
it was great that she threw up because that made me the only one trying to hook up with her
His shirt was in the kitchen sink this morning, I'm pretty sure my roommates know.
I just realized this is gonna be the last time that I'm high in my childhood home. I'm kinda sad. I'm really high..
There's just something about sucking a flaccid dick that makes me feel so calm. Like a baby cow..
Either I'm spending too much time drinking or my perfume is starting to smell like a pineapple vodka.
i shit in a pringles can and hid it somewhere in your house....happy hunting
Currently trying to figure out if the guy has a cane next to me or brought a weird dildo to the bar
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
Ok, maybe playing "whose family is most dysfunctional" wasn't the best drunk idea we've had. Todd''s been crying in the bathroom for an hour. We can't get him out...
So I have three weeks to get rid of his girlfriend and fuck him senseless before he goes to jail
Randomize
