Whats the glycemic index on semen?
six shots in, he is hammered and doing stretches before each shot
just dropped my bong into 7 pieces, and carried the glass shards around my house. dad saw the blood dripping down my arms, and asked if i slit my wrists. way too high to laugh at this.
She just told me she blew the waiter in the bathroom. Should I still leave a tip?
boobs and vodka. thats all i can remember, finals week needs to stop ending like this..
hey you knew what you were in for when i showed up with 2 fifths of Jim. plus i left money to pay for a new sink
Eating nacho cheese off the carpet. How is your morning?
We got really stoned and then we fucked. Then he made me a panini.
Oooh, he sounds pretty classy
Actually, not at all. We were stoned so he made me a peanut butter panini. With a Rollo in the middle of it. And he left the panini press on all night. I could have died.
My dream of watching a live dick sword fight might never be realized now. Currently sobbing, shots to follow
would it be uncouth to smoke a joint during office hours
This is why you're my favorite TA
I'm scared because his knowledge of star trek is turning me on
Would you consider masturbating to Hocus Pocus an adulthood high or low?
He's tiny, but ripped. Like a stacked hobbit. He's going to pull our sexy, crime-fighting rickshaw.
He said we were going to get fucked up in the woods so here we are
Decided to stay in tonight. Completely sober. Just got two drunken booty calls within 5 minutes of each other. This is my life.
Randomize
