Weren't you self-described as an 'arab' slut?
No?
Well my cheeks are red now
You can't hide fat with big sunglasses.
the best days in LIFE are when you realize you arent pregnant
I wanted to dispute a few 411 charges on my phone bill. The service rep told me I called them four times asking for Lady Gaga's number.
that's like riding a pigeon when you could fuck a bald eagle
My uncles bleeding, my brother has a black eye and my moms topless in the pool... How was your family cookout?
I think im drinking tonight later on...which is good cuz i walked pass the liquor aisle the other day and i swear i heard a kid call me a pussy
True as that may be, are you coming to the birth of my imaginary child or not?
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
Idk she didn't seem that weird to me but I had just eaten an entire tray of jello infused with liquor so I could be wrong...
He wouldn't stop calling me so I sent him a text saying "I'm dead. Dead. Leave me alone." And he replied with "so can I see you then?"
ANNA YOU PEED ON THE STREET. LIKE NOT EVEN SUBTLY. YA JUST SQUATTED IN THE MIDDLE OF THE HIGHWAY. And you flashed your tits to oncoming vehicles to try to get them to pick us up
That's why i need nudes. Plutonic nudes.
I saw a drunk guy run across the street with an American flag between his buttcheeks.
I mean, I was expecting a little more coke snorting and a little less kids and cake
Randomize
