dude, you're being a jerk.
sorry, didn't mean to pull a Cheney
You hooked up with another girl while you were with me. You were literally holding my hand while you did it.
the meat mosque collapsed into the alcohol moat
She actually pushed her roomie out of the way and said 'You already fucked him it's my turn!'
I'm flagged. Drank strippers water. Flashed Dave tryin to get a job here. You order the shots. Green tea betch.
I'm still tasting pancake mix. I think this may actually be a serious medical problem...
It's a lost cause. Soon she's gonna get naked, just let nature run its course
Ok I've processed it. Who the fuck makes out drunk in a parking lot in a backseat with the windows down in the middle of the day?!?!
i only stock magnum condoms so if the guy i bring home doesn't fit in them he only gets to eat me out. no exceptions.
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
I left my parents and ran through the airport. I was like I'm not getting stuck in Atlanta tonight and not having sex.
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST.
Dashing through the vodka, in a tinder swiping rage, all the fuck boys get a no, laughing all the way.
Why the fuck is there raw bacon in my bra. I don't even have a stove.
I JUST NEEDED TO TELL YOU I JUST FUCKED TWO BOYS IN THE SPAN OF LIKE THREE HOURS AND ONE OF THEM WAS MY SISTERS PROM DATE FROM HIGH SCHOOL IM LOWKEY BOTH PROUD AND ASHAMED
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