I'm going to an arts college, I live next to the frat houses, and my room number is 420. god has plans for me and I couldn't be happier.
i have more money on itunes than i do in my bank account... college.
i feel sorry for the hotel staff that makes the bed after we have sex
at roughly 3:30am you called me saying you were gonna start a big game of strip twister in politics class and i was your partner.
Oh, I never thought you were a dick. You were one of the best morally comprised ideas I've ever had.
They have a booking log online so i can just check that instead of call
Technology: making bailing your sister out easier since 2008
Ah well. Drinking wouldn't be drinking without mystery bruises
Agreed.
She pulled me up to my feet by my hair. I thought it was you for a second. My drunken angel savior.
You've got to be fucking kidding me. Do you think "Husband drunkenly pees all over floors" is reasonable grounds for divorce? So pissed off right now.
You can't Tinder AND have him bring you icecream in the same night. It messes with your vagina.
They made up a new version of "Smash or Pass" called "I would(n't) let you sit on my face" to yell at the freshman
and Katie got too high with the tow truck driver and wants to go home
Crying while listening to Miley Cyrus. BE GLAD YOU JUMPED THIS SINKING SHIP!
i'm at work, alone, drinking a spiced chai & fireball hot toddy. holiday OT isn't that bad after all.
we finally found him at 2 am. he was 3 miles from the house and tried running into the lake when he saw us pull up. i don't think he'll be taking ecstacy again any time soon.
Randomize
