I faked an abortion last night.
So we made editble underwear with fruit roll ups and fruit by the foot
If it makes you feel better he went down on me when i had a yeast infection.
i wanna make it FB official so he cant fuck anyone else. but that means i can't fuck anyone else either. CONUNDRUM
There's an old bald Japanese dude on the metra next to me. He's drinking MGD on a crowded train, and rocking out way too hard to what may be the same Dallas Green song I'm listening to. Life is sweet.
i told him i was sober and he walked away immediately.
i wont go near him until the smell goes away , and he takes the chex mix box off his head.
Thanks in advance for a great weekend. Sorry your roommates are going to hate you after I leave. They need to loosen up anyways.
Im sleeping in your bed. Sorry for the sand and the noise and the loud people. Im starving
Your blankets are not drunk friendly
He was sucking my nipples then stopped, looked me dead in the eyes and said "im gonna cum for my babygirl"
How many of my tattoos need to be visible for an outfit to be considered "see-through"?
Places I vomited today: hotel bathroom, in the cab to the airport, airport bathroom, airport terminal trashcan, plane seat 18E, and the plans bathroom
Fun wedding?
Yes. Very.
I just talked to him. no worries he had the same fears you did this morning and smelled the dryer to make sure. you officially did not pee in there haha
Did you throw up out the back door and cover it with paper towels?
Fuck you, i'm all jacked up on bananas lets go somewhere
Randomize
