when my professor asked "does anyone know what streches across south america" and a kid in the back row said "my exgirfriends vagina" i knew i was at home.
I have decided today is drunk costume day. That is, i woke up still drunk and found costumes all over my floor. Heck yes. This is happening. Come over. Drink.
I just got cash back from buying a pregnancy test so that I can buy a case of joose. My life is in shambles.
Walked by a shop giving away free donuts this morning. Best walk of shame ever
You then proceeded to tell me how good of a cook you were and put raw cookie dough in the champagne.
Speaking of testosterone. I saw a girl with a moustache thicker than one I can grow last night...
That doesn't mean I'm a slut. Unless McFlurries are involved.
I will rub McFlurries all over you.
So I got hit in the face with a frying pan. So def wont be at work for first break if I'm there at all
FALSE ALARM! I didn't piss myself, I fell asleep in the shower and then drunkingly crawled into my bed
Sexual Frustration City, population: Me.
I just tried to give a picture of a dude a blowjob. through my computer screen. I was leaning forward with my mouth open and everything so WALK AWAY
I fucked some frat guy. Then I found my brother after and made him take his shirt off and then I made him tell me he loves me
I have suspicion of morning wood.
How are you unsure as to the current state of your penis?
I would have wore underwear last night if I knew I had to change a tire this morning
I'm pretty sure he sprained my clit...
I'm going to start talking to Bill again, he has friends with boats which means we'll get to go on boats.
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