THE most awkward situation I have EVER been in
Also, I just threw up a little in my mouth and had to act like everything was totally fine.
something must definitely be wrong with me if i'm chasing after a guy who cant even get it up
im spending all my christmas money on new years parafanalia aka things I will ingest or lose by the next morning
My mom made me chili for when I get home from the bar. Those are the standards I expect you to live up to
The difference between you and me last night was that I didn't remember getting into the cab and you didnt know we were in one.
Yeah I'm a responsible adult man but I legally unbind myself from anything that occurred that evening and am in no way responsible for those actions.
Between the hair pulling and the choking its its more like combat than sex
Sorry I have an "Operation Iraqi Freedom" fantasy
Eating an ice cream sandwich while your little bro gets me weed. May I adopt him?
Also I'm sitting home alone with a big ass bowl of marshmallows right now just eating. It's so sad.
Highlight of my night: you taking that shot of garlic butter and then throwing the empty container down on the stairs and saying FUCK.
Dude I'm driving around California right now hiding little bags of weed in random places like Easter eggs so that I can come back and find them later
Well you fished my watch out of a possibly vomit filled toilet so I think we're bros now.
I don't care. She's the only girl to make me feel like my face is melting when she blows me.
So far in 2016 I told someone id give them a blowjob for lasagna.
Of course that's what I'm wearing. I need to find a beard to mount and ride STAT.
Randomize
