Dear __, it'd be a lot easier to fuck if you ever responded. So I'm throwing in the white towel, since I no longer know what you want. Sincerely, ___
Hiding in the clothes rack at walmart like a 4 year old. Already scared 3 people. New fav weekend activity
I just used dish soap as body wash. I smell like a dishwasher exploded. isn't the end of the semester fun?
Bitches at mcdonalds acting like they never seen a girl puke in her own coat pocket before
She whispered into my eat that she wanted me to fuck her while her parrot watched...
He said I was almost as good as the wheel chair sex he had the night before. Apparently I just cant compete with 4 wheels
I need to stop getting so excited when a guy unzips his pants and its bigger than my boyfriends. I look like a kid in a candy store.
I'm using toast as a chaser. If I wasn't already so fucked up this would be revolting.
If we can't get laid at a bar crawl, we should just quit life.
I'll have you know my trust issues and my daddy issues are two COMPLETELY different topics of conversation.
Tomorrow after you go to the library to look up gay porn, I'm going to come to your apartment to paint a nude portrait of you. Get pumped, plopernickle.
Just banged your ex. So it really is 'him, not you' in that he's gay. Rodeo champion gay.
He said I taste like cake. Like funfetti. So I feel like if he doesn't come back for that he's just dumb
rest in peace liver.
It was nice having you occupy space in my body that could be holding beer n chicken.
that's going in my livers obituary.
Pretty sure he proposed because my house is awesome. His ass is a ten and he's offering to pay more than half the bills... How expensive is a divorce really? I mean I could probably put up with him for three or four years but a lifetime is a big ask.
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