new revelation: five guys for breakfast
new revelation: previous revelation not a good revelation
Just had a girl agree to give me a blowjob in exchange for wearing my jacket during class. Talk about successful negotiations. Best day of my life
They were going around the house breaking things and screaming "Not my house!"
The last thing I remember is pushing my way into the bathroom and dumping a 40 on him. We havent talked since.
She just fell in the river. Meet us downstream with the bottle.
Somewhere between yelling how am I gonna make it to my flight and more titie shots I stopped caring
In reality u ask do u have beer at your house but what your really saying is will there be cock in my mouth
I gotta figure out which 7 tampons in the box contains the drugs
I'm gonna make some noodles and go to bed. Hopefully I don't fall into the stove or something.
My new successful method of booty calling is sending a screencap of a map with the shortest route from their location to mine highlighted.
Your feet probs hurt bc the cab driver kicked us out a mile from home after you wouldn't stop screaming "prohibition can suck my dick"
Accidentally donated half a joint to Kiwanis with the spare change from my car's ashtray. I hope those kids appreciate it.
If my emotions are below a 3 or above a 7, I'm crying
I went to watch porn and there's already 3 Santa videos. Happy November 1st.
he was the first penis i touched… i have to go to his shitty bands first gig, i mean come on now
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