just got cropdusted by the delivery guy...this was not in my job description.
I was so high last night that i'm 89% sure my roommates set up an obstacle course for me and timed it. Not positive.. I think one of the challenges was pairing shoes
all ten of us were sitting in his room with the lights off and staring at his colorful moving screensaver for two hours. That high.
Managed to discreetly puke out of a moving streetcar window, in front of no less than a dozen people. Nobody saw/said anything. I feel like a legit local now.
With your fertility you would just get contact pregnant
Found the puke drawer
Considering that your "hello" was replaced with "Fuck yo couch," I'm not surprised that you have a black eye.
Hey, you can't rush the perfect creeper shot. I need buffer time to hone my skills.
I ended up at home with a random bird sculpture and flowers
Just took plan b with my eggs and chai...homecoming got the best of me already
Still can’t get over the fact that we ate beef jerky off a strip club floor
You're emotionally mature, right? I said you were.
I have at least four things in my line of sight that have Kermit the Frog on them in my dorm. Does that answer your question?
If I get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to celebrate. If I don't get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to forget. Win-Win
we thought it would be safer to lock you in the car alone downtown than take you back home to pass out
Other than the whole stab wound in my leg thing, today was pretty good. The nurses all loved me and gave me a sandwich and juice.
Randomize
