Operation extremely regretful is in full effect
I sharted during my first quiz and I couldn't leave, I went ahead and took the rest of the day off.
We named our saturday intramural dodgeball team "we're hungover". Pretty much just an excuse to fuel my alcoholism on friday nights.
He's fat, has man boobs, and is uncircumsized. I feel like I won the last woman on earth prize.
I already brushed my teeth, and it's not even noon yet. Today's going to be a productive day.
When hitting a Woodchuck bottle with a machete, glass will fly back and cut your face.
I hope you did not try this.
Walk of shaming dressed as a zombie hunter. This hangover feels like the actual apocalypse.
Dude. Some drunk chick just put an Aussie hat on me and was screaming at me in German. Her friends had to drag her away. Point being, I now have a cool hat.
i was completely deserted.. so i stood outside starbucks for 20 minutes trying to convince the employees to open early and take care of me.. fuck you guys
She's cute, but batshit. Like some kind of dominatrix disney princess.
He fingered me and now wants me to go get plan b because of it. WE'RE IN COLLEGE.
As sure as my left ball is bigger then my right. We will have our moment.
I seriously had alll four of your knuckles bruised into my arm
I've never wanted anyone to have herpes as I much as I want him to right now.
Just woke up in a Price Chopper bathroom stall with a half eaten cake on the floor. Had to get a ride from the waitress I made out with. What happened to "Don't let me drink Tequila?"
I lied.
Randomize
