Dude wtf I'm sitting behind some girl in class who is creeping on my facebook page. I don't even know who she is..
I make my boyfriend pay for half of my birth control. We call it his monthly rent.
A very small part of me wants you to appreciate me for more than just my breasts. But the rest of me is breasts.
Thanks for stopping me from letting that 14 year old feel my boobs. Thanks.
Shoot me. I need tickles, a drink, sushi and a handy
Order is debatable
In case you wake up wondering why your eyes hurt... You were claiming to be Zeus and that mortal weapons couldn't harm you. Some chick took it as a challenge and pepper sprayed you. Sorry dude.
Last thing I remember is whiskey shots. My roommate tells me we were there 15min before I decided to run home naked. And we live across from a police station.
If there was a card that said "I'm sorry for throwing up on your bathroom counter" I would send it to you.
I feel like I could have been bitchier and missed an opportunity.
Long fucking story. But hey I got an orgasm and breakfast so I'm winning.
Like your dick isn't Beyoncé, it doesn't get close ups
I don't remember what you did, but I DO remember that i'm supposed to hate you for it.
It's almost 5am and all I can keep thinking is IT'S WHISKEY TIME!!
I want to be her friend more than I want to fuck her boyfriend.
Apparently I gave a guy a hand job on the dance floor. ON THE DANCE FLOOR.
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