haha i took a picture of myself naked on her camera
She didnt have a camera...
Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
She called me Jeff during sex, I just kept going like nothing happened. To think, if I was a woman that would be a problem.
Just because he's a soilder doesn't mean his dick is a hero.
Idk if you remember me telling you about him, but I gave him a hj under the stars. Kind of added a little disney aspect to the whole experience.
I feel like god wrote up a contract of my life, and i just signed off on that shit without reading the fine print.
i'll booty call him tonight after the radiohead concert, that way he can see his favorite band and his favorite vagina all in one night.
It was relaxing until your penis crawled in my ear.
telling her she was ovary-acting wasn't the greatest idea. doing it in a text so she could see your spelling was where you really went wrong, though.
Just spilled a coffee mug full of scolding hot oatmeal on my bare dick. Hope you're having a good Friday night too.
Girl, he's like catnip for my pussy.
You're at a grade school volley ball game with a yeti of tequila. You've passed extra
I'm not going out, it's sweat pants and gallon vodka night at my place and I'm the only one on the guest list.
This is because you lost at fooseball isn't it?
If hypothetically I needed to puke on the bus... how would I go about doing this.
I need to find a divorced guy with a boat and let my tits do the talking
Randomize
