The two bassists just totally made out. I NEED MENNA'S RIGHT now.
Do you have any cake mix? I kind of need to make a "im sorry i drank all your parents tequila, threw up all over your floor and slept with you boyfriend" cake.
I totally just used John Mayer's lyrics to get laid.
You covered in salsa con queso would take care of all of my cravings right now
He told me to pretend to be a shark, and he would slay me with his harpoon cock.
life is sad when you just turned 21 and youre doing late night rogaine runs...
Yes my plan is to drink the college out of me so i can be an adult by monday
We are taking shots off of spoons and listening to Mary Poppins.
You took off all your clothes to try on her fur coat and then punched me when I said you couldn't wear it to bed.
I'm naked, I'm drunk, and I'm all up on social media right now
What do you expect from her? Do you remember that creepy man she dated who saturated a pillowcase in his musky cologne and mailed it to her and she still slept with him.
I need to you to send me drugs via FedEx
In reference to the club we were headed to our cab driver told us about the time he had sex with a woman on the dance floor there. And what do you know, they're celebrating their 22 marriage anniversary together this year! True love does exist!
Like seriously, I would not be going if there wasn't pizza
The last thing I remember was them slipping shots into my beer bong, and me being happy about it
Randomize
