I just want to know how you cleaned her puke off the twister mat with no gloves. And didn't throw up
went out last night and woke up on the bathroom floor again, thinking about just moving my bed in there.
He's 11. You dont draw dicks on 11 year olds, i dont care if he ate your lasagna
His kisses tasted like beef jerky and captain morgan. I'm pretty sure I came before he even took my clothes off.
is year to celebrate how much I love you, I made a mosaic of your penis with conversation hearts. it's in your mailbox.\n\nHAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY TO YOU
you ate dog biscuits in front of my dogs and laughed at them for not have opposable thumbs
Two hot shots of tequila for breakfast? Yeah today is gonna be a shit show
I just realized, I'm going to be on my period for the end of the world. FUCK.
It was all fun and games until he noticed the hickey that he hadn't given me...
he's dressing as a chick for halloween. of course i'm gonna make him get his legs professionally waxed. how is this even a question?
My manager said you offered to make out with him to ensure I keep my job if I didn't show up to work today
WE'RE NOT MAKING A DICK PIZZA OKAY
How the hell could he be confused. He had a naked girl running to him. I feel like he would enjoy that.
Sitting on couch, workout sex makes me more sore than regular workout
My manager is trying to help me find a good career path, and I'm trying to find a professional way to tell him I just wanna smoke and fuck.
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