ready 4 sex 2nite?
wow. woo me matt, woo me.
I was too high to figure out which of the three doors would lead me to my classroom, so i sat down in the middle of the hallway and ate a twinkie.
i love how i spend my mornings exploring my phone to see what i did last night.
Before he took my jeans off all he said was "no hard feelings from middle school right?"
Nothing says I've got my life together like buying a jumbo bottle of 7$ wine in sweat pants on a monday night
I think the imperative here is that I literally knocked down a sorority house with the force of my dick.
Their car went through the first bag of wine on the drive up...clearly 6 bags was not enough.
I almost caused an explosion; It's okay though. because everyone would have died having a good time.
It's either my own vomit or popcorn butter in my ear right now. Banking on the second one.
We made popcorn last night. So it's both
It's end St Patricks day. I'm gonna need a leash. And a bib. And a rain check on anything considered dignifying.
Dude... She just sent me a story of how she wants to fuck me on a boat and call me her captain.. Well ahoy mateys, lets set sail
I did it on acid. I can cook bacon on any condition
we decided to take the jello everclear shot at the party...didnt think it tasted any different....o dear god...the regret..
And on the 323rd day without sex, God finally said let there be light...or love?
I am certain that you would be a mere freckle on the behemoth of slutty that has taken place at this complex.
Randomize