Just got back from doctors appt. He lied. It wasn't a pimple on his dick.
you assured me you'd make it home safe because your pizza rolls were waiting up for you.
Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
I swear every time I make the effort to make my hair look nice, someone jizzes in it.
This whole night would have been avoided if the liquor store had air heads
the whole "pretend to be sober/pull it together for my family" thing really blew up in my face when i threw up into my pillowcase.
I have a callous on the palm of my hand just below my ring finger that is entirely from opening so many beer bottles. I'm strangely proud right now.
Unless your apartment has 3 am pancakes Im not coming over.
Happy 420. I woke up to a girl smoking weed and dragging me out of bed. Chemistry makes so much sense high.
I was woke up by the fucking Star Spangled Banner this morning. I sat up in bed and put my hand over my naked heart. I was so confused
At what part of the night did you guys leave?
After my hot tub cannonball.
Lol I screamed "GOT AN ORDER OF VERSACE TACOS UP" and the whole kitchen was just like who the fuck is this kid
I need to buy fuckboy repellant for whenever I think it's a good idea to meet boys I found in tinder
Um so I might have accidentally on accident maybe blew up the bottom half of your truck...
We turned his nipples into a drinking game.
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