How much cunt could a cunt bag punch if a cunt bag could punch cunt?
What if this is the rest of my life? Sitting at the bar waiting for someone to play Single Ladies
...oh my god that's like anal suicide
I'm aware. I'm writing the eulogy for my colon as we speak.
Are we hungover?
I got a lapdance from a gay guy in red uggs and spandex shorts with reindeer antlers on. And I don't remember it. Hungover does not even cover it.
My pubes were yanked out by the root when they got caught in the condom. I think it's time for a bikini wax.
This ER has an aquarium in it!!!
He took getting"shit in your neighbors hot tub drunk" way to literally
I'm trying to seductively eat these M&M's to let her know its on
I know he's not here, but I can still see him. I found some of my old stash and its good shit so its expected to see sunlight at night and scary llama men. Midgets or otherwise.
Oh and an honorable mention for your father's porn collection. Things I'll never forget.
I ate breakfast with him. And by ate breakfast I mean we fucked on the kitchen table.
this is the last time i am going to a 7am booty call
If my plane goes down do me a favor. Break into my house and get the batman costume and swing out of my bedroom.
Is a coke binge Whole30 approved?
then he said the sex was mediocre and that it was because of me. and that we could try again tomorrow.
it was 100% mediocre because of him, and we will 100% not be trying again tomorrow.
Randomize
