I solve my problems like an adult, at the strip club drinking on a work night.
The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
You said you were collecting Asians for your Kate Gosselin costume.
Contrary to what peaches says, you can't fuck the pain away. Full story later. Have a good morning, buddy.
Sometimes I wonder why.. Then I realize I can't fool myself with that question bc we all know it's bc of his enormous dick
it's kind of slutty but what the hell, so are we
We did a shot for each one. Father... son... and holy ghost. That wasn't enough though so we moved on to toasting dead relatives.
The pet store wouldn't sell us fish because they said they could tell we were drunk.
Reason 37 booty call break ups suck: I literally could not find his house in the daytime.
Trustme, don't ever look up when you're giving road head. It's awkward.
New drinking game: Drink while you Drink. I'll explain the rules when I see you, needless to say, it's not difficult. Unless you enjoy sobriety, humanity and life. Bestest.
When you put the phrases "just out of shower" and "did you get the picture" that close together, a picture of hamburger helper is not exactly what I expected to pop up.
seriously, who doesn't want to get shitfaced and have sex to the backstreet boys?
Weddings might be fun but they are not getting fucked in the wilderness fun.
It finally happened my mom knowingly gave me money to buy drugs i knew this day would come\n
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