Sometimes I wonder if my friend studies mystic Christian theology because he's afraid to come out of the closet. Evidently, it's okay to talk about God coming inside you, but not to say the same about dudes.
what if cement was really a rainbow color they just secretly paint it grey so as not to distract drivers
are you high?
Packed at 6 am completely wasted. Damage assessment: 12 pairs of socks (no underwear), a flashlight, 3 shorts, shot glass, 8 sweaters, puff paint, one sneaker.
We tried to play doctor all sexually then he was taking down my 'symptoms' I said I needed to puke he thought it was part of the game
walking through the french quarter. a homeless guy just offered me a pigeon. gotta love new orleans.
I am the poster child for what not to do during sex. Soon they will be calling an undesired position after me
I crashed her parents' car cause she was giving me road head. Its probably best to just let them think I'm a bad driver.
Hey do you have a way to post bail? If not we can hook you up. If a police officer is reading this please ask him and respond in a timely fashion. I am concerned for my imprisoned friend
You said your legs stopped working and then pulled yourself around the floor with your hands.
That explains the wood chips stuck in my nipples.
Really because I got kicked out the eagles game for running up n down the steps singing ' fly eagles fly ' then punched a Dallas fan in the face before the game even started..
I can't. I drank 10 years off my life last night. I need to reevaluate. Sorry.
Figured out how to triple bathroom speed at #lollapalooza.. Girl squats, guy 1 goes between her, guy 2 uses urinal. Your welcome.
It's really life affirming to be at a wedding thinking wow I took your husbands virginity
I went looking for them and I pulled my pants down and peed on the lawn. I found my phone in the same spot in the morning.
Taking one of the loudest shits ever at work and I have to say...I'm having a better time than I thought I would
Randomize
